21 April, 2017
WHMP: 13 April 2017
I had a really interesting and reflective day. I no longer hide my surgery decision and happy to openly share with whoever will listen. I am very surprised that I have only had support and accolades for making such a huge decision. I have had no doubters or people judging me. I am not sure why this surprises me as I know that I surround myself with like minded open accepting and respectful people.
I had a really interesting conversation with two of my colleagues and friends, separate conversations but they were remarkably similar. Both lovely ladies who have both been amazing supports for me from day one where really open and intrigued with the process and how I am going, how I have transitioned and how things have changed. It kind of all stemmed from them seeing my serve of wonton soup for lunch.
They were so interested that I was probably not going to finish it when they both thought it looked like half of an entree serve. This led to the first theme of the conversation about being hungry. They both were so interested about how I don’t feel hungry at all and if I let myself I could pretty much not eat at all or until very late in the day without feeling hungry. I explained to them by removing the part of the stomach I have removed that the ‘hunger hormone” is essentially not secreted so that is why I don’t feel those hunger waves anymore.
I also talked about how since surgery the way I stop and reflect on “hunger” has really changed. It has taken me a while but I now have the capacity to stop and realise the difference between a brain hunger which stems from habit, boredom, emotion or mental desires. This is when I ‘feel’ hungry pre-surgery. When I ‘feel’ this hunger I am now aware NO I don’t need food, I actually need to stop and process what is the real reason I have this feeling and how so I address the need to feed in an more appropriate and healthy manner. It usually means I have a drink and redivert my attnetion to another activity, research a recipe idea or get into the kitchen to start creating something for when it is actually meal time.
How do I actually know I am hungry now? Hungry post-surgery is a different feeling, I no longer have that urge or desire to eat that used to fuel my addiction pre-sleeve. It’s now a physical reaction to my body not being hungry but needing fuel and energy. I guess you can classify the hunger in two different ways. Percy is either crampy and uncomfortable, somewhat like a bad period pain or I know I need to eat because my calories are getting low and I’m feeling fuzzy, dizzy or hangry.
Hunger is no longer hunger I have known my entire life but I have had to relearn this whole feeling versus physical reaction.
We then went on to discuss the huge changes that I have made in my life. Surgery has not made these changes, surgery is not the answer to my weight and health problems of the past. Surgery has been a decision I have made as a tool and aide to facilitate these lifestyle changes. I know I could have had the surgery and continued on with my pre-surgery lifestyle in tea party portions but this is not what I wanted. This is not what I needed. I do not need a diet, I do not need a fad. I need a catalyst to turn my life around and completely overhaul my lifestyle and my sleeve is the tool to aid me in making these necessary changes to improve my health and wellbeing.
I am really proud of myself of the huge progress I have made in these 4 months since surgery. I have learnt an entire new way of cooking and preparing food to maximise the nutritional value without compromising flavour profiles. I have also discovered that I need to be visually excited by my meals so I now take a little bit of extra time to ensure my meals, even in their tea party portions are pretty to look at.
This means that I am already enjoying my nutritious and delicious meals before one calorie has even been consumed. This transition has been gradual and difficult as it’s taken time and dumping episodes to learn what Percy does and doesn’t like. In short he doesn’t like dense carbs and much to my surprise I do not miss them or crave them at all.
This transition has been a roller coaster of hard work that still has a long way to go but it really is the ride of my life. It not only has been the ride of my life but also the ride that has saved my life and starting to deliver me the life I want and deserve.
It hasn’t been easy to stop, reflect and learn everything about how my new stomach (aka Percy) works but there is no denying it been worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears shed so far.