WHMP: 30 May 2017
Tuesday is my only day of the week I get any downtime or me time. So after doing all my domestic goddess duties I decided it was time to break in my new shoes.
I have also been eyeing off the duckpond walking track just around the corner so thought today would be the day I tried it out.
In my head I had in visit a nice long walking track with some nice scenery. Well I had a nice scenery covered but the walking track was way shorter than I anticipated so instead I cut five laps! By the time I got back home I had walked slightly over 8km. Never ever did I think this was a ever a realistic possibility.
This afternoon I had my next scheduled appointment with my surgeon’s program lifestyle coach. I have been really looking forward to start processing some of my mental barriers and blocks. We started the appointment by going over my goals of what I wanted to achieve pre-surgery and I had three main goals.
I wanted to be healthier so I could actively plane participate. I wanted to be happier within myself and I wanted my body image and my self-esteem to align so I am as content and as confident with my outsides as I am with my insides. So we went through each of those points individually.
Number one – be healthier and actively participate
Check!
I am already achieving this and enjoying the improvements to my health. This is only going to improve more and more as the numbers continue to fall and as my fitness level continues to increase. Nutritionally my lifestyle changes have just happened with ease and I can acknowledge that I am enjoying the changes and the challenges. I do however need to stop and recognise the importance to my happiness that I have the capacity to share my journey and recipes to help others along the way.
My health has already improved and will continue to do so.
Number two – be happier within myself.
Check!
I know that I am constantly feeling myself smile more, I am less moody and I can honestly say I am enjoying my days so much more. I also need to acknowledge the happiness it brings to me personally to be a positive and supportive advocate for others on the same path. I need to remember to stop and acknowledge these huge changes on my challenging and down days.
Please take me to the third. And I know this is where I am currently struggling. Those two words to continue to plague my thoughts……BODY IMAGE!
Number three – body image and self esteem to align
We break body image down to 3 different measures and as I progressed further I need to look at each component as individual unit so they’re small achievable and tangible steps.
The first measure is my new little love, Percy himself as he is the internal core of the tool to assist in helping me to improve my body image. Percy and I are good mates, we communicate well and he bring so much positivity and strength to empower myself to embrace the new emerging me. She was very happy and impressed with my ability to compartmentalised I don’t both give Percy his own identity.
The second measure, while not as important as the others, but still important is the view of others. The compliments and feedback from others on my physical changes I received I need to learn to stop and listen. I need to appreciate what they are saying and say thank you in return as opposed to making a joke and shrugging the compliment off.
The third and most important measure of body image is how I see myself. This is where I’m struggling. To help me understand where I am with my body image she asked me one simple question.
In one sentence how do I see myself. I didn’t need a sentence I only needed one word…..BIG! She then asked how I feel now in comparison to before I got big. This is where my body image and anxiety stems from as I have never known myself with anything other than the big girl.
So how do I go about managing these anxieties. The strategies that we have developed together is to give my anxiety and altar ego, similar to that of Percy. To enable me to identify this part of my thinking and to enable me to compartmentalise that section of my thoughts.
So it appears that Percy now has an art nemesis and Frank has arrived!
So assessing body image we have a stab list six points in a means to measure and reflect on my own personal view of my body image.
1. WEIGHT
The numbers are clearly heading in the downward direction this is a positive and a win for Percy!
2. MEASUREMENTS
Again the numbers are heading in a downward direction. Again another positive and another win for Percy.
3. LITTLE WINS
Continuing to stop and reflect on physical achievements and milestones along the way. Another winter Percy
4. CLOTHES
So it plays on my mind that the size of my clothes is still the same as pre-surgery and Frank makes me focus on this negative view. When I have these negative thoughts I need to stop and reflect on how clothes are fitting me better and clothes I haven’t worn in years I now comfortably fitting me.
I also need to be realistic and be kind myself and to allow the number attached to the clothes to drop to, it will just take a bit of time.
I need to pack Frank and let the positive powers of Percy to be stronger than the negative thoughts I currently have.
5. PHOTOS
Frank tells me that I do not believe what I see in the photos is actually me. But the camera does not lie and that is a fact. Simply put Frank cannot argue with facts and what I see in the picture is actually me!
6. THE MIRROR
The dreaded mirror! This is where Frank messes with my mind the most. Frank is clouding my thoughts and consuming my brains with doubts, fears, anxieties and insecurities and as a result of this negativity takes over and it totally consumes me.
With Frank now having his own identity I’m going to work on compartmentalising these thoughts. I have to be aware that these thoughts will never go away and I need to acknowledge that they exist.
BUT at the same time not to let them consume all my thoughts in front of my eyes. I need to stop and look for the positive powers of Percy in the mirror. I need to put Frank to the side and packing from the forefront of my mind.
It was a pretty intense session but some great strategies to try and help my brain catch up with the program.
Day 35 – 9.6km, 35/50 – 141.3km