WHMP: 3 August 2017

I promised myself that I would do a daily journal entry every day for one full year post sleeve. Today is the first day that I have regretted making this promise to myself as in all honestly I would much rather crawl up in the corner under a blanket and keep crying rather than do this post.

So this one is going to be short and to the point as I’m in a dark miserable place at the moment and not feeling like sharing my journey or my story.

I had my endoscopy today and a long story short the endoscopy came back with everything being normal. So my anxiety and fears have come to fruition, I have gone through a day surgery procedure and I am non the wiser or not even any suggestions as to why I am suffering this constant pain and these random acute episodes of pain.

I have a follow up with Lilian (my sleeve surgeon) in her outpatients clinic in a fortnights time. I am so scared about having to endure this awful pain for another fortnight.

I am not in the best mindset. I am tired, I am sore, I am sad, I am frustrated, I am doubting myself and I’m doubting that any of the clinicians believe or care about the levels of pain that I am experiencing.

I am trying to stay positive and tell myself that everything happens for a reason but in all honesty it’s just not working. I’m feeling down and out in every possible way and I want to curl up in a ball and cry under a blanket until this pain goes away for good.