WHMP: 29 September 2017

So it may seem like I have it all together, it may seem like I am invincible, it may seem like I’m have an amazing positive mindset……most days I feel like that. Not today!

My day started in an epic meltdown.

My day started off with my normal morning routine of getting myself and the little guy ready and I can only assume the stress of the last few days has caught up with me and worn me down. I got out of the shower and I did something that I very rarely do. I stood there completely in the buff and I looked at myself in the mirror and I completely burst into tears.

I had this surgery to improve my health and wellbeing. I had this surgery to look better superficially as an offset benefit. Yet here I am 75kg lighter and I look in the mirror and I am honestly disgusted in what I see.

I knew that I was going to have excess skin when I started this journey and I always told myself that I would be ok with it and that I would wear the excess skin with pride as a badge of honour or evidence of my achievements. But now that I am living with this excess skin and the ramifications of the skin on a daily basis I can honestly say, I’m not ok with it! So much so that it has bought me to tears.

I am happy to share my journey, I am happy to share my experiences and I am happy to share MOST of my photos but I can honestly say I will never take or share photos of my skin situation.

What do I look like?

A melted candle….

A cauliflower head….

A Sharpei dog….

ET…..

Homer Simpson….

You get the idea….none of these things are even remotely attractive! I hate that I have been so dedicated and working so freaking hard and I hate the naked version of what I see!

I know that it’s only temporary and that I will eventually need to undergo more surgery to remove the excess skin and restore my body to a normal appearance. BUT it still seems like getting to the point is so damn far away. In fact still nearly 50kg away!

I know everyone’s journey is their own and everyone has their own starting points and end goals but sometimes I really find it disheartening that people who had surgery around the same time at me are already in maintenance phase and are looking damn bloody fabulous in size 8 and size 10 clothes on the normal or even overweight on the BMI scale. Then there is me who is still in Class 3 obese. Days like today I feel like my goals are unachievable and I am never going to get where I want to be.

I did a face off today being Friday to try and perk up my mood. It helped a bit as I am seeing improvements with clothes on and with all my skin reinforcements managed with spanks and undergarments but in all honesty I am still in a funk!

I know I am doing well and I know that I have come so far already. I know I have mini goal weights along the way to help keep me focused and achieving…….

But looking at the grand scheme of things and my natural form I still have so far to go and it seems unachievable!