Today is the first day of December. This month brings a lot of things and a lot of events!

• My 12 months post op appointments with my medical team, dietician and life style coach
• Lachlan’s birthday party
• Lachlan’s birthday
• My 12 month sleeve-anniversary
• Christmas
• News years celebrations!

I really wanted to be under 120 by Christmas Day but I really don’t think I am going to achieve that goal, it’s still 7.1kg away! So I revised that goal to wanted to finally drop from Obese class 3 to obese class 2 but even that is seeming somewhat unachievable being 4.5kg away.

But I really shouldn’t be disappointed about not quite being where my head wants me to be. Why shouldn’t I be disappointed?? Because I’m a hell of a lot closer to being there than I was this time 12 months ago…..

We had are work Christmas lunch today and today I also have said goodbye to my favourite denim skirt. It unfortunately can no longer be kept in wardrobe rotations!

My day started with my 6am PT session, of course doing my standard warm up in preparation for the torture of Anita.

My torture session of 3 rotations of gigantic step ups, leg lift things, squats with weigh raises. The second of the 3 rotations was bloody horrific that my heart stopped beating (aka Fitbit stopped registering my heartbeat because I was too sweaty again) I jumped!! That evil horrible delightful amazing supportive Anita made me do box squat jumps, lateral raises and chest press on the free weights machine. I didn’t know that I could jump at all let alone jump 60 times….that second rotation was not fun at all but I’m super proud that I did it – I whinged, grunted, swore, sweated and struggled the whole way through….but I did it!

When I got back and got ready for work I was really annoyed that I couldn’t find the top I wanted to wear so I was very annoyed. So decided that I would try that 1X zulily dress I bought ages ago that has been patiently waiting to fit. I didn’t think it would be any time soon since only 4 months ago I wore my first zulily dress which was a 4X.

The 1X dress fit and fitted well without looking like it was a piece of raw roast pork stuffed into elastic roast netting. I think I looked nice and gave me a really flattering shape and definition.

Feeling good today…..even if my body is hurting!

Weigh in Wednesday

It’s just a teeny tiny loss this week but I will take it!

This week – 0.1kg

Since surgery – 62.3kg

Total – 81.2kg

Thank goodness for my protein packed lunch today otherwise my calories and protein levels would have been not so great today!! It was one of those days where I struggled with food and drinks, it may have been from the heat, it may have been because I was flat out with work but it was one of those days.

And it ended with a rarity for me, I couldn’t be bothered with dinner, I couldn’t be bothered with preparing anything that was Holly-Ified and all I actually felt like was Vegemite in toast….so that’s what I had for dinner! One luscious carb filled piece of toast with lashings of butter and Vegemite. I enjoyed every tiny mouthful and there was not crumb of guilt about having it. It’s been 6 months since I have had “real” bread so it’s safe to say it’s definitely all in moderation.

Intended to go for my morning walk/jog again this morning but apparently my body had different ideas turning off my alarm when it went off and going straight back to sleep without even realising! Oh well I guess today is going to be my rest day instead of tomorrow!

So as I have been coming up to my appointments my insecurities and displeasures have been doing overtime!

Don’t get me wrong I am beyond grateful of the opportunity I have been given to reclaim me life and so very proud of how far I have already come. I know I’m a work in progress and that I will achieve my goals that I have set for myself but I still really struggle when I look at myself in the mirror.

It’s really quite bizarre…photos I can handle

But there is something about the mirror that is so damn exposing and terrifying!

One thing that I really am not at all happy with no matter how much weight I have lost and realistically no matter how much weight I will lose is my damn belly bulge!! Yes it has considerably shrunk but it’s still there which really limits the selection of silhouettes of clothes I can wear. I can only wear pencil skirts like I did today when it’s a long line tunic style top to cover that bulge.

The worst part is no matter how much I lose it will always be there as a lot of that is excess skin which I can’t do anything about until it gets chopped off even losing some more kgs.

So this is Bertha my bulge – I hate Bertha!!

And to the lady who I was talking to in the kitchen today who I never spoken to before…..

No, I haven’t had fillers in my lips

Yes, they do look larger than you used to

Yes, I’m sure I haven’t had fillers or Botox….I’ve just lost the fat that used to surround them to make my lips look bigger!!

Another early morning start heading off for my walk/jog at 6am! To start with I really wasn’t feeling motivated and thought I would just walk but as I got going I ended up doing 30 second interval jogging and walking…well that got the heart rate going, sweat flowing and the wind socks jiggling!!

I can’t believe that in 35 minutes I almost did 4km and burnt 450 calories!

When I got home I was having my breakfast on the couch and I have to admit I was admiring my own legs, I really can’t believe that those legs are attached to me and not the over-sized fluid filled stobey pole legs I had 12 months ago.

While I was admiring my legs my phone beeped at me and it was my Fitbit app congratulating me for increasing my cardio health. My cardio health according to my Fitbit has always been poor sitting at around 26, today my cardio health upgraded to average sitting at 35….it only needs to get to 37 to be considered good! Who would have thought in a million years my cardio health would have ever been considered anything but poor let alone on the cusp of being good!!

Another busy day at work and it wasn’t until I went to loo this afternoon that I had a hair-revelation. I have had solid bangs many time before in my adult life and I have always liked them for my suiting my face shape BUT they have always given me the shits because every day without fail I would end up looking like a hideous mess with pubic hair fringe from my head getting hot sweaty and turning my fringe to frizz!

Today I have realised that I am not longer that sweaty mess and it can get to above 24 degrees Celsius degrees and it doesn’t affect my hair at all….I still have cute bangs rocking at the end of my day too!!

It’s a hair victory!!

My day started early this morning with Lachlan’s having his party time at 5.20am, he fell back to sleep at 6.30 and rather than going back to sleep I decided to kick start my day with a walk. After my attempt to run a couple of days ago and the support and encouragement from some of my sleeve sisters I decided to give this running caper another shot. I did 6 small bursts of jogging…..I am pretty sure I have absolutely no style, I was causing mini earthquakes with each thud of my foot hitting the pavement and jiggled so much I looked like a jelly fish trying to escape a net! But I did it!!

Just under 4.5km and 615 calories later I arrived back home hot, sweaty and accomplished! I can’t believe I had reached my daily steps target and burnt that many calories all before 7.30am and before 1 single calorie had passed my lips! Wardrobe function and all after losing a boob during one of my running stints.

When I got home I had some cute down time with my little man having some “squishes” aka bear hugs! Love being about to physically parent the way I want and the way he deserves!

Today was an event, one that I thought I would never be brave enough to do, even if it was just around home….I wore shorts!! And they didn’t look hideous.

Another weekend done and dusted and back to work again tomorrow.

Lemon Panna Cotta

Makes: 6

Ingredients:

• 1 satchel of diet lemon jelly
• 1 cup boiling water
• 170g natural high protein yoghurt
• 80ml milk
• 2 scoops (60g) vanilla protein powder

Method:

• Place the jelly crystals in a heat proof bowl and add the boiling water mixing until well combined and all jelly crystals have dissolved, set aside to cool slightly(approximately 5 minutes)
• Add the yoghurt, milk and protein powder into a blender and process until foamy and well combined
• Pour the milky mixture into the jelly crystals and mix until well combined
• Place a silicon muffin tray on a secure base or baking tray and pour the Panna Cotta mixture evenly between 6 muffin holes
• Place in the fridge to set for a minimum of 4 hours but preferably overnight
• To serve, gently turn the Panna Cotta out directly onto your serving plate, you will not be able to move the Panna Cotta once it has been removed from the mould.

Nutritional Value per portion:

• Calories: 60
• Total fat: 0.3g
• Total carbohydrates: 1.7g
• Sugars: 1.1g
• Protein: 11.8g

Recipe Notes:

• Store in the silicon muffin tray in the fridge covered with plastic wrap until you are ready to served for a maximum of 5 days
• This recipe is not suitable for the freezer
• Protein powder used in the recipe is Protein Supplies Australia WPI Fast Release protein powders
• You can buy online from www.proteinsuppliesaustralia.com.au
• Use the Discount code psafriendsofhollys at checkout to get a 10% discount

Disclaimer: C4K Kitchen does not hold any responsibility for the consumer using this recipe including the storage guidelines and time frames recommended in the recipe notes. The consumer holds all responsibilities to ensure that food hygiene and safety standards are adhered to.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. So here is 2,000 words for you…..

This top used to be my “go to” top that I used to wear all the time and i looked nice in it. This was in fact the exact top I wore when I had my first appointment with Lilian. I kept this top as a reflection of where I started. Today, still feeling emotional achey crampy and like pooooooo, I decided it was a day that I needed to pull that top out and visually see where I have come from.

Yup….I’m doing alright! Yes I’m only 2/3 of the way to where I want to be BUT that’s 2/3rd closer than I was 12 months ago.

I had struggled with food intake today because of the crampy horrible feeling I have had in my abdomen today so I have had to eat out of the need to eat and to get nutrition and have struggled to keep it down, most of my nutritional today has come in the liquid form. So days the struggle is real but I wouldn’t change it in a heart beat!

Sometimes being a female is awful!! Today I’ve had awful cramps and stomach aches all day meaning I have really struggled to get any food in and I have not felt hungry at all, I have been keeping my fluids up at the very least.

It’s so bizarre how the hormones related to weight loss plays with your body. I have PCOS meaning that my cycle has always been pretty bad with pains and cramps but also really irregular and a pot luck of when my period arrives for pretty much my entire adult life. I have had an implanon in since after I had Lachlan meaning I haven’t had a cycle in 5 years…..until I lost this weight. Now I’m like 30 day clock work complete with bloating, cramping and headaches in tow!! Worst part is that I can’t take any ibuprofen for the pain and cramps.

On the plus side today at work I was wearing an outfit from Target that is entirely from the general size section and not one piece of clothing coming from the plus size section.

It’s very weird wearing pants as I pretty much live in skirts or dresses and it’s taking some getting used to as I feel really exposed in pants as I feel like that show of and expose that belly bulge that I so very much hate with a passion! I wish that I could just chop that bulge off already or I could deflate it quicker than it’s deflating.

My day started with my alarm blaring at 5.30am, reluctantly I dragged my arse out of bed and for myself ready and off to the gym. Not sure I was ready for my half hour misery session, oh oopsy I mean PT session, with Anita. I did my 10 minute warm up and then my half hour session with the torturer burning a tidy little 680 calories, not a bad kick start to my day! I am pretty sure that I made noises that no grown woman should make in public or in fact at all. Talk about push me to the brink! And my gosh my body is in all sorts of aching pains all day…..and they say exercise is good for you, how can anything that hurts this much we good for you?

Got home and quickly got ready for work, pulled out another one of my gorgeous gifted Calvin Klein dresses and it’s almost getting a touch baggy, so I decided I would park in the target carpark when I got into the city to try and find a belt.

On my way to work I randomly looked down and couldn’t believe the huge gap between the steering wheel. When I started this crazy journey my seat was as far back as it could possibly go and my belly touched the steering wheel. I now have my seat pulled forward at least 4 clicks and there is still plenty of breathing room. As a random experiment when I got into the carpark I put my seat back as far as it could possible go and in all honesty I have no idea how I used to safely drive with my seat so far back, it was not at all a comfortable position and the gap is now bigger than the length of my water bottle!

Walking through target I managed to find a belt and I can’t believe it, a standard size L/XL belt actually fits and wasn’t even on the last hole! I never thought I would EVER see the day that I was going to buy a belt to promote waist definition!

My boss pulled me aside today and gave me some great feedback. She was telling me that my whole demeanour has changed since I have come back to work after surgery and how each and every month while I have been physically shrinking my professional capabilities and confidence has been flourishing and that “I’m nailing my job”. So I guess that’s a NSV that I didn’t even consider was a possibility, my physical and mental changes would mean that I would be better at my job!