I have been a little bit quiet on the blog front lately. If I am completely honest with myself it’s because I am struggling at the moment. Wednesday last week started like any other Wednesday and had my weekly weigh in. I was absolutely over the moon to finally have a big number appear on the scales.
This week – 1.5kg
Total – 84.3kg
I was still on holidays so I spent the day with my mum and my little man, which is when the incident happened! Now I wish I could say it was an exciting story of a massive adventure. I wish I could say it was a gym injury. I even wish it was some hilarious drunken holiday season celebratory occurrence….BUT alas it was none of these things. I was simply a complete uncoordinated klutz and while out and about at the shops I kicked the wheel of the shopping trolley and completely shattered my toes. It was so painful that I had tears rolling down my face and despite moving my mouth it hurt so much that no words actually came out. Once I cleaned up the crimson fluid that I had left trailing behind me and I had bandaged up my banged up toes I went on my way.
The next morning I went to my regular PT session, pushing through the pain and discomfort, with the support of Panadiene. It was a great session despite the pain and I even did something that I have never done in my entire life. I did a chin up, it might have been supported by equipment, but I still did it.
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More to that, the video Anita took of me doing it was slightly mesmerised by the tone and strength that I never knew I had in my shoulders and arms. As the day wore on the pain increased in my foot.
Friday morning came around and I decided that I needed to go to the doctor as the pain in my foot was not improving at all. I rang around to my main GP clinic, then my two other back up GP clinics and another three new GP clinics I had never been to before to try and get an appointment to have my toe looked out with no luck as all appointments were fully booked. I just had to survive until next week when I could get an appointment.
Friday night the tears were flowing and the pain was ridiculous…..I ended up calling the locum out to visit me at home. The locum had a look at my foot and told me that he suspected I had broken a toe and gave me some pain killers so I could get some sleep that night. He made a reservations the next morning to see a GP within his clinic to get a full assessment and referral for an x-ray.
Saturday morning, off I hobble to this appointment. Yup, it hurts to move, yup she also suspected a broken toe, if not a broken bone along the side of my foot. Best case scenario – no break but severe bone bruising that would just take time to heal. Middle case scenario – I had broken a toe and/or the bone along the side of my foot and would need a moon boot for up to 6 weeks. Worst case scenario – I would need a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon for surgery. So she sent me on my way with a script for pain killers and an x-ray order form. Later that morning once the x-ray results came back the verdict was in. She called in mid best case scenario, I had some bone bruising on the lower metatarsal (the lower bone of my toe) but I also had a hairline fracture on my little toe. So hooray, no surgery and hooray no moon boot. But I am officially sidelined! I can’t wear a closed shoe for the next 10 days and I can’t put any pressure on my foot for the next 4-6 weeks.
This officially sucks. Just as I am getting my groove at the gym, I am feeling confident in going, I am enjoying the fun and banter with the staff there and I am REALLY enjoying going to the gym. Never in my life thought would these words come out of my mouth, but there it is…I MISS THE GYM!!
Managed to survive the rest of the weekend living on the couch, and it really is so exhausting being in pain and doing nothing – all I want to do is sleep at the time. I am flat, I am sad, I am miserable and I’m no disappointed that my body is not doing what I my mind and determination wants to do.
Monday comes around and it’s back to work for me after the Christmas and New Year’s break.
So back to packing my lunch.
I have also decided that since I don’t want to lose any momentum I have on my weight loss journey that I am going to have be super strict with my diet given that I am practically immobile, so it’s back to basics and back to doing my food diary again for a while. Also my current, I can’t wear shoes situation, poses somewhat of a wardrobe problem for work. When you work in a corporate office thongs aren’t exactly appropriate footwear. I tried just wearing thongs with my corporate clothes and it looked ridiculous, I couldn’t do it. I tried wearing one normal shoe and one thong, it looked slightly less ridiculous, so this was the best I could do when mixing corporate and comfort together.
Tuesday comes around and I’m well and truly in a funk. I haven’t been to the gym since Thursday and in fact I have barely moved of the couch except to go to work. I get a timely email from Fitbit with my weekly report as it’s really no shock to read that my floors climbed in stairs are down, my step count is down, my average daily calories burnt is down, my days of exercise are down and my total active minutes is down. Thank you Fitbit for rubbing my face it this, I am all too aware that I have been a couch dwelling non-exercising sap of an individual. And I am so unhappy with this situation that the email was enough to set off the water works and ended up having me in tears. Not to mention that it was Tuesday with my weigh in Wednesday looming knowing that I hadn’t done a brass razoo of exercise in the last week and if I am completely honest with myself, until I started doing the food diary again on Monday I was eating my feelings with much carb-loaded choices than I would normally be making. Knowing that tomorrow was Wednesday was enough to push me emotionally over the edge.
Weigh in Wednesday is here again.
This week – 0.5kg
Total – 84.8kg
I have no idea at all how this is even possible. I am worried. I am confused. I am happy. I am angry. I am disappointed. Quite frankly, I am confused!! But I will take it all the same. I also slightly feel like the universe is messing with my head. I am probably overthinking things severely but I feel like it’s laughing at me and taunting me about my somewhat slightly unhealthy obsession without counting on numbers with even the number on the scale counting back at me. That’s right that number read 1234 (123.4kg) counting right back at me!!
So even though I have still lost weight, I am still disappointed thinking that it could have been more if I was mobile, it could have been more if by body was cooperating with the program. People are telling me it’s my body’s time to rest and recover – I get that I really do BUT I don’t want to, I just want to keep pushing and striving to be my best. People tell me to take a break from the numbers, from regular weigh ins and from counting my macros – again, I get it I really do BUT I know what I am like and I know that this would be even worse for me as I would spend the whole time second guessing myself and wondering what if. I would rather know and be in control of these things….yes yes, essentially I am a control freak. But why am I like this? Because I am so damn determined to get where I want to be and I want to be there as quickly as possible. I am impatient, so impatient that I want to be there now not in 38kg time.
Amongst all this confusion and negativity on my roller coaster of the last week. I can draw still pull out some positives. I have lost again and it’s now only 900g away until I finally drop from Class 3 Obese to Class 2…..the next mini goal and the next mini milestone is in sight. And yesterday I also received another re-homed City Chic dress. It was a size small, laughing when I received it as there was no way in hell I would fit into a size small for a while yet but I tried in on regardless. Much to my shock, it not only fit comfortably, it actually also looked quite nice (despite the mismatched footwear of thongs).
When I started this crazy adventure I didn’t even fit into the largest City Chic size of XXL and now I’m fitting into size S and it’s a reality that soon I won’t even fit into any of the City Chic range as they will be too big. Never in my life did I think that plus size clothing would be too big for me.
So this is why I have been somewhat absent and somewhat quiet of late. I have been surviving, fracture toe and all……
Back running again and back smashing out massive calorie burning workouts!
So with the all clear on shoes this morning there was only one place that I wanted to be! In my sneakers and back at the gym! 5.30am my alarm went off, so off I hobbled to the gym, still not even close to be being fully back on deck….but I am relieved to be back!
I also tried the mountain climber machine for about 5 minutes and damn that thing is all sorts of heart racing torture!! While I on the climber my arse my basically in my bestie gym buddy’s face which she cheekily commented on my changing bum shape and the fact that I am an emerging shapely peachy booty. Lol, I NEVER thought I would hear the day I had a good looking booty!!
