Today is the first day of my second year of sleeve life so I am going to start by having a full download and reflection of my journey so far!
Let’s start with the numbers:
I have lost a total of 82.7kg (182lb)
Let’s have a look at the weekly breakdown over the last 12 months:
- Optifast period – 18.9kg
- Week 1 – 4.4kg
- Week 2 – 2.5kg
- Week 3 – 2.9kg
- Week 4 – 5kg
- Week 5 – 0.6kg
- Week 6 – 1.2kg
- Week 7 – 3.3kg
- Week 8 – 0.3kg
- Week 9 – 2.9kg
- Week 10 – 1kg
- Week 11 – 1.5kg
- Week 12 – 0.4kg
- Week 13 – 0.7kg
- Week 14 – 1.4kg
- Week 15 – 1.6kg
- Week 16 – 1.7kg
- Week 17 – 1.5kg
- Week 18 – 1.1kg
- Week 19 – 0.9kg
- Week 20 – 2.4kg
- Week 21 – gain
- Week 22 – 0.9kg
- Week 23 – 1.3kg
- Week 24 – 0.7kg
- Week 25 – 0.2kg
- Week 26 – 2.6kg
- Week 27 – 0.1kg
- Week 28 – same
- Week 29 – 0.9kg
- Week 30 – 2.4kg
- Week 31 – didn’t weight in
- Week 32 – 3.6kg
- Week 33 – 0.1kg
- Week 34 – gain 1.4kg
- Week 35 – 3.1kg
- Week 36 – 1.5kg
- Week 37 – 0.4kg
- Week 38 – 0.1kg
- Week 39 – 2.1kg
- Week 40 – 0.6kg
- Week 41 – 0.9kg
- Week 42 – 0.5kg
- Week 43 – gain 1kg
- Week 44 – 2.6kg
- Week 45 – 0.1kg
- Week 46 – 1kg
- Week 47 – 0.8kg
- Week 48 – 1kg
- Week 49 – 0.1kg
- Week 50 – 0.7kg
- Week 51 – 0.4kg
- Week 52 – 0.4kg
So now let’s talk about BMI numbers.
My starting BMI was 68. My current BMI is 41. That means I have lost 27 BMI grades.
What about body measurements? I took 6 standard measurements monthly
The black ribbon represents my original measurements and the pink ribbon represents my current measurements.
The centimetres I have lost are:
- Arms – 8cm
- Chest – 31cm
- Waist – 40cm
- Hips – 51cm
- Thigh – 25cm
- Calf – 9cm
That is an astronomical 164cm off of my entire body, which is represented by the blue ribbon.
What have I gained in the last 12 months? I have gained so very much that I’m not sure that I can even put it all into words but I will try. I most important think I have gain is my health and well being. I am stronger, fitter and healthier than I have been in longer than I care to even imagine. Not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.
I am so much more self aware. Self aware of my feelings, emotions and decisions. I am consciously aware of all facets of my life more than I ever knew was possible.
I have lost my entire previous wardrobe and I have gained and entire new wardrobe and on the process I like to think that I am developing an emerging style that I have never had before. Contrary to what I have just written I have major major major anxieties when it comes to clothes and getting dressed. Every day I have an emotional battle with myself and my self image as my eyes do not see what everyone else is seeing. I see all the flaws and all the things that I despise and am crazy self conscious of, like Bertha (my belly bulge). I feel clueless as to how to dress, what colours, lines, patterns and style suit my new body shape as I am so unfamiliar with it and it is all completely unknown to me.
I have celebrated so many non scale victories along the way! This is the order that I can remember right now….
- Being able to wear my car seat belt legally
- My belly not touching the steering wheel
- Dropping my first clothes size
- Being able to stand for long durations of time without needing to sit and rest
- Being able to fit into the board room chairs at work
- Not setting off the alarm on the work security gates as it was a warning 2 people were trying to sneak through
- No longer having a lingering stale smell from being always being sweaty and clammy
- Having to move my car seat forward
- Being able to walk from the carpark to work without being breathless
- Being able to walk up and down the stairs
- My bum physically fitting on the toilet seat
- Being able to tie my own shoes comfortably
- Finally fitting into the largest City Chic dress size
- My sister getting on board
- Being able to wrap a towel around me and having it seal completely
- Being able to play and keep up with Lachlan
- Being able to buy clothes from the standard clothes section; and most importantly
- Being a better, more energetic, more patient active Mum.
Just to name a few!
What have been the biggest changes I have made? I haven’t made one big change – in all honestly I have completely overhauled my entire life. My nutrition has changed and my mindset surrounding food has changed. I no longer diet, I no longer have bad days or cheat days. I chose to have a balanced life with everything in moderation. If I want to eat something occasionally, I will eat it without guilt, without fear and consciously knowing it’s ok to have it. Having said that my entire diet has changed eating a high protein, low carb, clean diet in sleeve appropriate portions. Food is fuel, food is my friend. Food is no longer the enemy nor the therapy for coping with highly emotional times. I am physically active, before physical activity was getting out of bed and I have now been bitten by the gym bug and I really enjoy going to the gym and pushing myself beyond my limits a little bit more every time I am there.
What do I know now that I wish I knew 12 months ago? I wish I know what it was like to value myself and to know that it’s not only ok but that it’s important to stop and spend time on yourself for yourself!
Would I change anything in the last 12 months? I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing. This has been a crazy crazy rollercoaster ride of happiness, fears, tears, vomit and so much joy. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason and wherever my journey has taken me in the last 12 months has been for a reason and I have no doubt that reason is to help shape me to be the person I am becoming.
What have I struggled with? There is two words to answer this question!! It’s very very simple. I have struggled with….MIND GAMES! The mental side of dealing with the demons that emerge throughout the journey. While I am still continuing to process and work through them all I can reflect that I now have the self awareness to actually be able to articulate these feelings. I can honestly say my self esteem is in a good place. I am very comfortable with me as a person, me as a being HOWEVER my body image is a whole different kettle of fish. My anxieties around my appearance are through the roof. The physical and mental battles I have with my excess skin are through the roof. I also need to work on my ability to graciously accept a compliment! I need to learn to stop, listen and respond with thank you as opposed to awkwardly wrinkling my face up and making a joke to deflect the attention away from the positive.
Am I where I wanted to be? No, I am not at all where I wanted to be. Not because I haven’t worked hard, not because I haven’t tried the best I possibly could and not because I haven’t achieved a lot of positive things. It’s because I have unrealistic expectations of myself and quite frankly I’m really bloody impatient! I wanted to be out of class 3 morbid obese by now, I wanted to be closer to 100kg lost by now, I wanted to be closer to double digits on the scales by now….but I’m not. Having said that while I am disappointed I haven’t gotten to my goals, I know I will get to them in the near future. So it’s time to stop putting myself under so much pressure and stop restricting myself with unrealistic deadlines and to stop acknowledge and be bloody proud of the champion that I am!
So what do I want to achieve in the next 12 months? I want to continue to evolve into the person I am proud of becoming. I want to continue to be the butterfly that is emerging from the cocoon. I want to be happy and confident with my appearance and I want to achieve those damn bloody numbers of getting me to the goal weight of 85kg so that I can have my “relocation services” aka plastic surgery to remove all the excess skin and to return all my body parts to their natural intended location.
The last 12 months is now a closing chapter for me which has been a chapter that I am so very grateful for and I have loved every minutes of but I am so damn excited for the next 12 months as I’m now in control and I’m driving this wherever I want to go!
I have some big goals for 2018 but I’m stronger and more determined than ever to achieve each of these goals and share my progress along the way.
