Last night before Lachlan went to bed I promised him that I would take him to the gym playroom in the morning. Oh man on man did I regret my decision to make that promise when I was tired and would have been happy to stay at home……but one little man was very excited to be “going to the play room while mummy exercised”.

My gym buddy really is my best motivation to be the best possible version of myself.

This afternoon I could up with a girlfriend and I had a pair of pants on that I had recently found in my wardrobe only to be told that looked like pyjamas and before we went to dinner and movies it would necessary to go and buy new pants! For the record size 20 pants!!

The girls at work have been giving me loveable grief about my old full length cardigan being way to big and engulfing me like a tent and I have so far resisted the urge to get a new one knowing we will soon be heading to warmer weather however today I was talked into getting a new one…..a size 18!!! I have not owned any size 18 clothes in over 15 years.

It’s safe to say my sizes are rapidly dropping and my 5 bags that are going off to good will have been extended to 7 bags….I seem to have skipped 24’a completely and it feels amazing!!!

Chicken Wonton Taquitos

Makes: 6 taquitos

Ingredient:

• 6 wonton wrappers
• 90g diced roast chicken
• 3 tablespoons grated cheese
• 3 tablespoons refried beans
• 3 tablespoons salsa

Method:

• Preheat the oven to 180 degrees celsius and line a baking tray with baking paper
• Lay the wonton wrappers out on a clean dry surface in a single layer
• Spread 1/2 tablespoon of the refried beans down the middle of each wonton wrapper and then top with 15 grams of chicken, 1/2 tablespoon grated cheese and 1/2 tablespoon salsa
• 
• Fold one half of the wrapper tightly over the filling, dampen the edge of the unfolded filling with some water using your finger tips
• Fold the other side tightly over to form a cylinder
• Place on the baking paper fold side down and lightly spray with cooking spray
• 
• Bake for 15-20 minutes until golden brown

Nutritional Value per Taquito:

• Calories: 78
• Total fat: 3.3g
• Total carbohydrates: 5.9g
• Sugars: 0.3g
• Protein: 5.9g

Recipe Notes:

• Store in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 2 days
• This recipe is freezer friendly to be consumed within 6 months. They can be frozen prepared and unbaked or frozen after being baked

Disclaimer: C4K Kitchen does not hold any responsibility for the consumer using this recipe including the storage guidelines and time frames recommended in the recipe notes. The consumer holds all responsibilities to ensure that food hygiene and safety standards are adhered to.

FINALLY and I say FINALLY my clothes size has started to shift and I will again need to cull some on my old clothes to make room for a smaller size selection of clothes. But with this change in size has bought a whole new mental battle that I am going to need to spend some time to work through and adjust my perception of myself.

I am so self conscious and ridiculously awkward in new clothes and new outfits particularly as a lot of my smaller clothes are more fitted and show my shape. My shape that I have spent so many years trying to hide and disguise. I am also trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and wear things other than all black all the time. This morning I tried on a new dress and it fitted but I just don’t see in the mirror what everyone else sees. I went to the brain trust (in one of my Facebook support groups) to make sure it looked ok and all the lovely ladies assured me that it looked lovely. So off I went to work wearing my new dress trying to tell myself that I looked lovely, I was owning the outfit and that I am embracing and showing off my new emerging womanly shape…..trying!!

But old habits die hard and I am really struggling with major self doubts only seeing the flaws and wanting to hide all the lumps and bumps that I have known my entire adult life.

Being Friday today I did a Friday face off and it really does help to put into perspective of how far I have come in a short amount of time and it does clearly show my improved and emerging shape, now I just need my brain to see this on a daily basis instead of having to do side by side comparison photos, and hopefully this happens soon as I am running out of before photos to use after year and years of hiding from the camera.

Health wise, the constant pain is still there however I am now managing the pain using pandiene forte instead of having to rely on endone to manage the pain. I have had some bowel movement but nothing that I would call substantial to clear any backlogs. This is such a shitty topic to write about but it’s all a part of the journey so can’t gloss over the facts of what’s going on. So I will continue following through with my action plan to try of laxatives to try and get this situation under control, so bottoms up (pun intended)……..

Weigh in Wednesday…..you can kiss my fat (albeit shrinking) arse!

This week I have gained 1.4kg….that’s right I GAINED!!!!

I am not upset or disappointed. I am damn well angry and frustrated!

I am angry that whatever is going on is disrupting my process.
I am angry that I’m not getting enough protein and calories in my diet so my body has shut down all weight loss.
I am angry that this pain is stopping me from going to the gym.
I am angry that I don’t know why and what is going on.
I am angry that the universe has dealt me this hand.
I am just an angry and pissed off being today!!

Let’s just hope my appointment with Lilian tomorrow brings some kind of answers or at least some suggestions or action plan.

Spinach & Cheese Wonton Cannelloni 

Makes: 3 bariatric portions

Ingredients:

• 6 wonton wrappers
• 80g frozen spinach, defrosted
• 2 tablespoons ricotta cheese
• 30g feta cheese, crumbled
• 1 scoop (30g) protein powder
• 1 garlic cloves, finely diced
•  1/2 long red chilli, finely diced (optional)
• 3/4 tomato pasta sauce
• 6 tablespoons grated cheese

Method:

• Preheat the oven to 180 degrees and place 3 small oven proof dishes or ramekins on a baking tray
• Combine the spinach, ricotta, feta, protein powder, garlic and chilli in a bowl. When well mixed divide into 6 equal portions
• Spread one portion equally down the middle of a wonton wrappers across the entire width folding over the filling to form a cannelloni tube placing folding down into the oven proof dish
• Repeat with the remaining wonton wrappers and filling placing 2 cannelloni tubes per dish
• 
• Top evenly with with the tomato sauce and grated cheese
•  
• Bake for 25-30 minutes until the cheese is golden and bubbly.

Nutritional Value:

• Calories: 193
• Total fat: 7.8g
• Total carbohydrates: 14.7g
• Sugars: 4.6g
• Protein: 16.3g

Recipe Notes:

• Store covered in the fridge for a maximum of 3 days
• This recipe is freezer friendly either prepared and uncooked or cooked to be consumed within 6 months
• Protein powder used in the recipe is Protein Supplies Australia WPI Fast Release protein powders
• You can buy online from www.proteinsuppliesaustralia.com.au
• Use the Discount code psafriendsofhollys at checkout to get a 10% discount

Disclaimer: C4K Kitchen does not hold any responsibility for the consumer using this recipe including the storage guidelines and time frames recommended in the recipe notes. The consumer holds all responsibilities to ensure that food hygiene and safety standards are adhered to.

Riceless Sushi
Make: 6 Sushi pieces

Ingredients:

• 1 nori sheet
• 1 cup cauliflower rice
• 2 teaspoons rice bran oil
• 1 tablespoon salt reduced soy sauce
• 2 grilled chicken Tenderloins
• Julienne Vegetables of your choice. Picture shows; carrots, cucumber, snow peas and enoki mushrooms

Method:

• Heat the oil in a heavy based frying pan over a medium heat and add in the cauliflower rice frying off for 2-3 minutes to slightly cook
• Add in the soy sauce and mix thoroughly and allow to sit and cook slightly while you prepare the vegetables
• Lay the nori sheet on a Sushi rolling mat smooth side down
• Spread the cauli-rice mix evenly over 3/4 of the nori sheet leaving approximate 2-3cm of the nori sheet uncovered
• Lay the Chicken Tenderloins and the julienne vegetables across the width of the nori sheet approximately 2cm from the end the cauli-rice covered end
• Dampen the uncovered edge of the nori sheet with water to help seal the Sushi roll
• Starting at the unopened end use the Sushi Mat using an even firm pressure to roll the Sushi log
• Allow to sit for 5 minutes before slicing into 6 equal Sushi rounds

Nutritional Value per Sushi round:

• Calories: 48
• Total fats: 2g
• Total carbohydrates: 2.2g
• Sugars: 0.4g
• Protein: 5.7g

Recipe Notes:

• Store in an air tight container in the fridge for a maximum of 2 days
• This recipe is not suitable for the freezer.

Disclaimer: C4K Kitchen does not hold any responsibility for the consumer using this recipe including the storage guidelines and time frames recommended in the recipe notes. The consumer holds all responsibilities to ensure that food hygiene and safety standards are adhered to.

Spicy Sweet Potato Hummus
Makes: 12 x 50g portions

Ingredients:

• 200g sweet potato
• 400g can chick peas, drained and rinsed
• 1/4 cup tahini
• 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 4 garlic cloves
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon ground chilli (optional)
• 2 scoops (60g) pure protein powder

Method:

• Preheat the oven to 180g degrees
• Place the sweet potato whole and unpeeled directly in the rack and bake for 30-40 minutes until cooked through
• Place the sweet potato in a zip lock bag and seal for 10 minutes, this will cause the skin to sweat and make it easier to peel off
• Peel and roughly chop the sweet potato and place in a food processor
• Place all ingredients into a food processor and blend under smooth.

Nutritional Value per portion:

• Calories: 92
• Total fats: 5.7g
• Total carbohydrates: 8.9g
• Sugars: 1.1g
• Protein: 6.7g

Recipe Notes:

• Store in an air tight container in the fridge for up to 5 days
• This recipe is freezer friendly to be consumed within 6 months
• Suggested to freeze in an ice cube tray for single serve portions
• Protein powder used in the recipe is Protein Supplies Australia WPI Fast Release protein powders
• You can buy online from www.proteinsuppliesaustralia.com.au
• Use the Discount code psafriendsofhollys at checkout to get a 10% discount

Disclaimer: C4K Kitchen does not hold any responsibility for the consumer using this recipe including the storage guidelines and time frames recommended in the recipe notes. The consumer holds all responsibilities to ensure that food hygiene and safety standards are adhered to.

I am home!!

I still feel revolting (and yes I’m aware that I look revolting too), still have pains and I still have no answers on what the hell is going on!

I have been discharged with pain relief, anti nausea and reflux medication to tide me over. I made the decision to be discharged from the public system as I was getting very frustrated with not getting anywhere, the lack of understanding for Percy and almost feeling like I wasn’t been taken seriously that these pains are both real and severe.  I have made the decision to continue investigation and follow with Lilian through the private health system, she will know and understand my situation a lot more, after all she created Percy!

I have spoken to Lilian’s rooms and I have been scheduled for an endoscopy this Thursday in the private hospital system.

I am not going to lie, I am very nervous about being home and not being able to manage my pain accordingly and having to put Lachlan through watching my acute episodes but I was so flat, miserable and uncomfortable at hospital and just wanted to be home so I made the decision and here I am, back in my world with my boys!

And just a quick tip for anyone who has a hospital visit and are lucky enough to get some flowers while you are there….spew bags double up as a great way to bring the flowers home with any escaping flowers or leaking water.

Today is going to be short and sweet (not actually that sweet really) today.

I woke up at 4am having another acute episode of pain, got some pain relief into me to take off the edge however the pain didn’t subside at all and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Between then and when the doctor arrived I had another 3 acute episodes with the last of them actually occurring as the surgical team arrived. As horrible as it was it was an eye opening experience for the medical team to see the episodes and how much discomfort they bring, he could even feel my stomach moving as it was contracting in pain.

I am officially an enigma case and they can’t quite put a finger on what is actually going on so they want to do a couple more tests. I will be doing a swallow test/x-ray over the weekend and it’s more than likely I will be scheduled for an endoscopy on Monday to have an internal viewing to see if we can find the cause. So I’m definitely having a weekend in the hospital.

Throughout the day I had 9 episodes which has been more than the last couple days which is potentially attritbuted to the reintroduction of food.

I am very over it, drained, exhausted and impatient but I know this is unfortunately where I need to be as I simple wouldn’t cope without the pain relief available to me here.

With my fasting ban lifted I am now able to have access to the HEP Menu (High energy high protein) and the serves are ridiculously huge.

While I ordered a ‘small’ serving I still got this mammoth plate of food which I still couldn’t even get 1/4 of the way through it and it felt and sounds like early days when I started real food again post op. Obviously Percy did a bit of resetting during his food vacation and needs to readjust to being used again.

So all in all……I’m eating and Percy has forgotten how to. I’m still here. I’m still in pain. I’m still impatient and over it. I’m missing my boys like mad. And I’m damn tired! I honestly can’t wait to be able to write a happy positive and inspiring post again.

Weigh in Wednesday has been posting this week as I am still in hospital, I still am no closer to figuring out what is going on, I’m still on nil my mouth meanings it’s been nearly 48 hours since I have had anything to eat or drink. I would give my left leg for a cup of coffee!!!!

The chronic waves of pain have settled down in both their intensity and frequency with me only have 2 episodes today. However the constant aching and throbbing pain is still there. I have tried going without pain killers but it’s just so damn painful and uncomfortable without them.

My mind probably isn’t in the best place, I’m  of enjoying at all being here. Missing my boys and feeling guilty for being here instead of being at home where I should be.  Jamie bought Lachlan in to visit after school for a cuddle which was lovely to see my little man but I didn’t enjoy the worry on his face with seeing mummy not feel well and the distress on his face leaving me here when it was time to leave.

Tomorrow morning Lilian is supposed to be coming to see me so I am really hoping for some kind of update or treatment plan to fix whatever is going on.

I guess the silver lining is that whenever I do eventually get to weight in 2 days of not eating should give me a decent result.