Day 5/5 of my fluid flush….I didn’t quiet make it through with only fluids.

We had an afternoon tea at work today and I managed to resist and just had my jelly while everyone was eating cake, donuts,  dip, bread, cheese and crackers………..until I got home from work. Tired, cranky and low on calories with a VERY high maintenance little man who was refusing to sleep! I diverted away from fluids with some cherry tomatoes and snow peas.

Tomorrow is day 1/5 of purees! Or as I like to call it textural torture! But I will get it done, I can already feel my restrictions tightening and apart from my stray tonight I am feeling good and focused!

As I got home tonight I was putting my laundry away and I have distinctly noticed a substantial change to my wardrobe. My wardrobe really only has 2 different options now!

Dressy and corporate work clothes…..

And gym clothes – nothing at all in between!

Transitional wardrobes can be very challenging!

But on a positive note my new “never look back” singlet says everything it needs to say!! I just need to stay focused and stay positive after all Rome wasn’t built in a day!

After my disappointment of yesterday’s weight in, I am in a much better frame of mind today. I have regrouped and pulled up my not-so-big-anymore pants and moved onwards and upwards.

And I literally mean not so big anymore!

Day 4 of 5 of fluid flush and I can honestly say tomorrow will definitely be the last day and I will be ready to move onto my 5 days of textural torture of purees……but I will do it!!

I was chatting with one my lovely work colleagues (who is also a dear friend) today, she was telling me how excited she gets every morning to see what new outfit I am going to wear and how much she is loving my new found confidence and style. While my top and cardy wasn’t new today, my skirt was and it’s a miracle!!!

IT WAS A SIZE 18 SKIRT…..I was a size 18 when I left high school! It’s a stretchy skirt so a forgiving size but I’m taking it regardless, I wore a size 18!!!

Mum is down tonight and the NSV victories keep piling up today with Mum telling me how clear my skin is and that she can’t remember it ever looking so flawless.

So yes the numbers where shitty yesterday during the weigh in but today I am celebrating my progress in other ways! Compliments on my new wardrobe and style, shrinking undies, size 18 skirts and clear skin wins are celebrated today!!

Weigh in Wednesday….

Not happy Jan!! This week I have gained 1kg…..this confirms the exact reasons why I am going this Holly-ified reset. Things have gone slightly off the rails and the train needs to get back on track and that’s what this fluids reset is all about.

My heart is not coping at all with this gain but my brain is giving me the same rational pep talk that I have given to others many times before. Gains and stalls are a normal part of the process, you’re body occasionally needs to pause so it can catch up with the process, muscle weighs more than fat, you’re centimetres are probably reducing even though your weight hasn’t changed, you maybe be heading into your monthly cycle, you are probably retaining fluid since you are so focused on fluids at the moment, it’s about your overall progress not just a snap shot of this week alone.

I know all of this and I agree and acknowledge of this BUT it still sucks knowing that I still have a bloody long way to go to reach my goals, I’m now 1kg further away from reaching my goal.

And I shouldn’t complain…….To date I have had a dream run with only one other small gain and one small fortnight where I stalled in my nearly 10 months post-op. Today I will let myself be miserable, tomorrow I will pull up my not so big anymore panties and regroup.

This confirmation has made me so focused on finishing this 5 days fluids flush and then reliving the textural nightmare that is 5 days or purees.

Day 3 of fluids is done. An coffee oak plus, cheesy cauliflower and broccoli soup, diet jelly and Beef pho broth today.

I’m not feeling any different but I am definitely feeling slightly lethargic and flat which would be from the lessened calories and protein intake but I will keep going to do what I need to do to continue to reach my goals and staying focused along the way.

Tuesday is Holly day which my normal routine is to do my big cardio and weights at the gym then come home and do the housework, cook up a couple dinners to prepare for the week ahead before the early pick up at school then heading off to Lachlan’s aqua therapy session in the afternoon.

This morning I woke up with my Tuesday plan being the same until after I got home from school drop off and as I was getting ready for the gym I changed my mind. Instead I decided that the weather was beautiful so I decided that it was time to tackle the out of control winter weeds situation in my backyard.

1 hour and 716 calories later…..

I have finished the vast majority of the weeds but by the time I finished it was getting towards noon in full sunlight so called it a day. I will finish the rest (maybe only another 15 minutes) on the weekend.

While it’s only gardening that I’m talking about this is a huge NSV for me. My entire life I have avoided any form of gardening like the plaque as it’s physically activity that I have never enjoyed and probably 12 months ago I wouldn’t have even been able to bend over to do. This was a huge job to get things under control but now with my new found energy and capacity it will never get this unruly again!

Day 2 of fluids went well and feeling ok. Slightly grumpy but ok. 2 day, 3 to go!

As I was sitting down this afternoon having a rare quiet Tuesday moment and I was looking at my hair. This is a WLS reality. You will lose your hair! Due to hormonal changes that are going on in your body you will lose your hair.  For me it started at around month 3 post op and then it started easing up around month 7. The hair I lost is now growing back so I am fuzzy Ball city with new and unruly out of control hair, it is a daily challenge to style my hair to keep it looking somewhat respectable but today I am sharing a make-up free, post gardening selfie that shows the reality of the new hair growing back.

Day 1 of 5 for my fluids flush! And it’s a real day one without faltering.

Morning started with a homemade honeycomb up and go

Morning tea of a skinny latte and small jelly cup

Lunch of roast Sweet Potato & carrot soup (protein Enriched)

Afternoon tea of chocolate Protein Ricotta

For dinner I had a protein Enriched chicken laksa (which tasted nice but wish I didn’t Protein pimp it as it ruined my luscious laksa texture).

For my hydration I had a unicorn water, dissolved stock cube in boiling water and a litre of protein water.

So I made it through the day, I am feeling tired, flat and calorie deprived but I am focused and I will do this!

It was a beautiful spring day and for the first time in as long as I can remember the legs came out without stockings and for once I elf like my legs looked good and not gigantic big bloated stobey poles!!

Day 2 tomorrow, it will be more of a challenge being at home and not distracted and at work but I’m strong and committed and I will do it!

Today was day 1 of my 5 days of fluid…..however today it has been rebadged to day 0.

It was a beautiful sunny day and I had plans to catch up with some girls for lunch. So I started my day with a yoghurt, coffee and unicorn water while sneaking in another hour of gardening before I got ready to head to meet the girls.

I really do get socially awkward when I’m getting dressed as I am honestly clueless these days on how to dress to my new body shape and I am full of self doubt with everything I try on. But this is what I picked out. A re-homed dress from one sleeve sister and a re-homes cardy from another sleeve sister. The cardy is a MEDIUM from city Chic, 12 months ago I didn’t even fit into city Chic’s largest size.

On my way there I had an awkward moment that is a hilarious moment in the life of a sleever. As I was driving I had an episode of reflux so was fishing around in my handbag for a Quickeze. Found it, unwrapped it, chucked it in my mouth and very quickly spat it out! It wasn’t a Quickeze at all, it was a chicken stock cube. Talk about revolting!

As I mentioned things started off well with day 1 of fluids but it went slightly wayward at lunch time at a winery in McLaren Vale. The gourmet menu was absolutely delicious but they didn’t have anything liquid suitable so I settled for a tasty and luxurious mini cheese plate.

The waiter was somewhat hilarious, constantly trying to ask me what else I wanted to order and of I had enough to eat…..mate I can’t even finish what I had in front of me let alone considering ordering anything else!

I also today celebrated losing one of my best friends……not literally losing but numerically lost her! We have discovered that I have lost her entire weight…..I have lost a WHOLE FREAKING ADULT. And because I’m a visual person we decided to have some fun to recreate what it would be like to add that weight back onto my frame. How on earth did I manage to function and cope every day.

Such a beautiful day with some beautiful friends!

Back on deck tomorrow with day 1 of fluids!

Steps, steps and moreeeeeee steps today.

I was intending to go to the gym this morning but instead Mum and I decided to go for a walk with Lachlan. Off we went to the “Vines to Coast” tracks as I knew there were some playground stop off along the way.

It really is such a beautiful walk that doesn’t even remotely seem like your in the middle of the city.

On the way home we stopped off at the local shopping centre and after hitting up the shops getting everything we needed we went to the little Chinese restaurant in the mall. I am such a cheap date these days, for $5 I got a chicken and corn soup and a spring roll…..with a take home doggy bag!

Getting home continued on my current rampage of energy in the getting the gardens under control at home and spent over an hour doing heavy duty gardening, weed pulling, planting herbs and spraying the weeds. Followed up by about 4 loads of laundry! Life and managing being a domestic goddess is so much easier with all this next new energy.

Tonight Jamie and I had a night out kiddie free with 2 other couples that are our closest friends.

We had purchased a Scoopon voucher for an all you can eat (yes yes I know I am total value for money here) at an Indian restaurant. It’s actually quite funny when you look back at my amazing group of friends with their delicious plates loaded up with rice, naan and piles of delicious curries. And I come back with my plate with one piece of meat of the 4 different curries that I wanted to try after having a chicken skewer for my entree.

It was finished off with a dessert tasting platter and wow yum yum yum but soooooo much sugar and sweetness, the rosewater syrup dumpling was amazing but I could only have one tiny mouthful as it was ridiculously sweet but I did enjoy the mango Mousse even if I did only get through half of the shot glass of Mousse.

It was so nice to be comfort in a group of people that I don’t feel any difference with being socially included despite my obvious changes and differences these days. It’s also so nice to be comfort enough to talk frankly and freely about the good, the bad and the ugly of all the changes going on with my body to the point we even joked about a group trip to Thailand so that I can get my skin surgery.

Being surrounded by friends really is something to cherish and treasure in your life!

It was such a huge day which by the end of it I clocked up a massive amount of steps, ate out twice in a day, did a massive amount of domestic duties and had an amazing night out friends. Sleeve life certainly changes things, going out and eating out is different but manageable but I wouldn’t change it in a heartbeat. Sleeve life has saved my life – but I’m definitely too old to be getting home after 2am!!

Today marks 12 marks since I first started this crazy journey. This day last year was the day I had my first appointment with Lilian and I remember it was like yesterday……

I was so excited and full of hope about starting this new and exciting process going into my first appointment, with my Mum in tow for moral support. I knew my private health insurance waiting period was about to expire on 6th November and I had it all worked out in my head. Off I could go to this appointment and she would say yep – your fat (obviously politely), yep – you need surgery and hey presto I would get a surgery date. I could not have possibly been more wrong!

It all started with that first horrific weigh in. And while every weigh in is daunting, this was completely demoralising and soul crushing! I was so heavy that my weight did not even register on their scales. I had to waddle my way over to the complete opposite side of the hospital to find a set of scales that actually registered my starting weight. Finally waddled my way back and was slightly out of breathe but still glad to meet Lilian and get things rolling.

This is when all my intentions of how the appointment would go went completely out the window. Lilian advised that I was too heavy for the equipment to safely complete the surgery laparoscopically and I that I needed to lose 20kg before I was able to be considered for surgery.

I was completely shattered. How on earth was I supposed to lose 20kg (44lbs) at all let alone 20kg quickly – if I could lose 20kg that easily I wouldn’t be here and making this decision to have this drastic but life changing surgery.

I got my way through the appointment with a lot of tears and emotions and I was so glad to have my mum there despite the fact she had no idea what to do with me to ease my distress.

Once I got home that is when the reality of everything really set in and I was a blubbering hysterical mess. I sat on the floor in the corner of my kitchen and i didn’t cry…..I bawled like a baby for an hour! I felt like I was beyond hope, I was beyond being about to turn my life around, I was a lost cause and I was destined to be this large, unhealthy and miserable with my physical being for the rest of my days and I was just going to continually deteriorate with the co-morbidities of being so large and unhealthy.

I went to bed early a tired and emotional wreck who felt shattered and hopeless with a gigantic stress headache!

Fast forward 365 days, minus 76.6kg (169lb) this is me today……

Today I had to take a day off work as it was the only day I couldn’t get child care for school holidays and I had a lovely day!!

Started the day off with baking a batch of protein Enriched apricot chicken sausage rolls! Nom nom nom

Lachlan and I then head off to the gym. He had fun in the “playroom” aka crèche and I knocked out an 800+ calorie cardio session. The honest of kids is hilarious…..get in the car to go home and I get told “mummy lets go home, you need a shower you stink” thanks mate!

I then spent the arvo with one of my nearest and dearest friends. Unfortunately I don’t get to see her as much as I would like but with colliding schedules, children and busy lives we are often like passing ships in the night. I haven’t seen her since about March. I think it’s say she was gobsmacked at my transformation! Mainly physically but also the other changes to do with energy levels, movement capabilities, happiness and confidence levels. It’s nice to have a photo with her and not have my head twice as big as her gorgeous face! This is from her Hens night late last year versus today.

I have also put myself out of my comfort zone and entered into a competition! I have entered to be the face of Never Look Back active wear to win 12 months of active wear…..this is pretty daunting for me to put myself out there like that and to share my before photos.

If you have a spare minute I would love for you to vote to me 😀

Please vote for me by clicking on this link!

Weigh in Wednesday.

This week I was expecting a gain after my only real exercise in the last week being a small gym session on Saturday and the ridiculous playground on Sunday. I also know that my food choices in the last week have not been as wise as they should be and I have been recklessly snacking for the sake of it! And the scales delivered!

I was so disappointed in myself when they told me that I had gain 500g. Not disappointed in the loss as I know this is a journey and it ebbs and flows and that stalls and small gains will happen along the way. But disappointed in myself that I have let myself down over the last week.

I went to put in the weight into my monitor my weigh app to discover I actually stuffed up my starting weight and was 1kg heavier than I thought so I in fact lost 500g this week.

This week – 0.5kg

Since surgery – 57.7kg

Total – 76.6kg

I decided that I needed to brighten up my morning and liven up my day so I went bright and bold and wearing another kindly re-homed Calvin Klein dress to rave reviews at work today.

I did surprise myself at work today. I took a couple of slabs of cake out of the freezer in for the team to share. I had the 2 delicious slabs of cake sitting on the table directly behind me all day and I can honestly say I wasn’t tempted at all. So I am proud of myself for that decision and standing strong.

However, I have been thinking about it all day and I’m using the shock morning and disappointment in myself to drive some changes. I need to stop check and regroup, it’s pouch reset time!! I just can’t ever bring myself to do Opti-phase again after 10 weeks of doing shakes so I have decided I am going to do 5 days each of fluids, purees and finish of with softs, I am going to start on Sunday to give myself some time to plan and also because we already have dinner reservations for Saturday night. Not sure how much value for money I am going to get out of an all you can eat Indian buffet hahahaha but it will be a good night out with Jamie and our friends.

Wednesday nights I can’t go to the gym anymore as Jamie has social lawn bowls, however it was cancelled tonight because of the rain. I wasn’t going to go the gym but after Jamie and Lachlan both told me to go to the gym off I went. So I geared up in my new compression tights and off I went.

It actually felt great wearing the compression wear as it pulled my excess skin in tight and it honestly felt magical feeling what thighs should be like when exercising instead of my normal skin issues. And it even felt somewhat like I had a developing thigh gap.

It was a rollercoaster day but I’m refocused and I’m planning to get myself back on track and refocused.