Short and sweet one today!

I caught up with a dear friend who I haven’t seen for probably at least 6 months. I think she was gob smacked with how I am looking and she was so full of compliments, pride and encouragement of how far I have come and how much I have achieved. It’s so nice to hear from someone who I love and respect so very much to give me so much encouragement and while the words were so great to hear – the hug she gave me spoke louder volumes of how she felt about what is going on in my life.

And the quote oh the day…..”you look the same size now as you did when I first met you when you were 17!!” WOOOHOOOO ***insert happy dance here***

Today I have ouchies!!

I’m so very surprised I’m not stiff and sore after my ridiculous antics of yesterday but I have pulled up really quiet well with the exception of one issue……this is an issue that only those with extreme weight loss would understand!

EXCESS SKIN.

No, I am not just talking about loose skin that is a bit jiggly that comes with age and gravity. I am talking about enough loose skin to cut off and build a tent for an entire family to live in. I am talking about enough loose skin that you have to strategically manage the underwear you wear to keep things where it is supposed to be. I am talking about enough loose skin that you can do a Mexican wave on your own with your own body parts. I am talking about enough loose skin that you have to manage the skin on a daily basis to prevent rashes and infections.

I laugh and joke about it but it is the reality of life at the moment, and I know it’s going to continue to get worse before I can do anything surgical about improving it!

The excess skin on my arms (aka bat on the left and wing on the right) was not very happy with the chaffing factor that happened yesterday in combination with being wet, slippery and foamy. I have severe Chinese burn chaffing issues where my arms are constantly stinging! I have a barrier cream to put on it now to protest it until it heals.

The excess skin on my belly and thighs is also VERY bad, however I can manage this with undergarments. I say undergarments as it is so much worse than just underwear! The excess skin on my boobs I can just shove into a well fitted bra. My belly I manage with some small firm fitting knickers that hold the apron skin up so it doesn’t allow the skin to rub. Over the top of that I have to wear bike shorts otherwise the excess skin on my thighs becomes an issue. Usually then this is all finished off with some ridiculously ugly spanx style knickers that come right up to under my boobs to keep the cauliflower of melted candle smooth and non-jiggling!

So while I am getting all these amazing compliments like my dear work friend who announced when I walked in this morning “Holy shit Holly, I’ve never seen you look so skinny”

I know what is lurking beneath the pretty new clothes and it is FAR from attractive! I wonder how I am going to cope when we heat the peak of summer with excessive heat with all these layers with the excess skin issues. For now I am managing with clothing choices and I just hope I can keep managing this way until I can get the big chop!

Today I was so out of my comfort zone it wasn’t funny! I went to ridiculous playground! What is ridiculous playground? It’s an adult sized playground full of giant adult sized inflatable obstacle and slides etc.

Driving there I felt nauseous with nerves and nearly wanted to chicken out completely and no even go! BUT I pushed through the anxiety of being the fat chick rolled around like a beached whale that everyone was looking at and who couldn’t do anything and just went and did it and you know what…….

IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING!!! I can not remember the last time that I had laughed so hard and had so much bloody fun!!

There were 6 different obstacles to conquer. Some of them I tried and wasn’t a huge fan of (or I completely sucked at them) and others I loveeeedddddd and did them multiple times!

THE DROP

This one was awesome! We when I this at least 10 times! You climbed up the steep incline within an obstacle style free swinging rope and the obstacle steps and then you went down the approximately 5 metre slide. This was fun and I was surprised that I had the upper body strength to do this once let alone time and time again!! The pads of my hands are a bit tender from rope burn tonight but so worth it

RAT RACE

I hated his one. I did it once and that was enough for me!! I got over those damn things but that was enough for me!

LEAP OF FAITH

This is the one I was the most nervous about as it was a 4 metre free fall leap into a giant pillow! I got up the top and was looking down and it was hard to take that leap to jump but I did it! But them I got lost hahahaha I completely sunk into the pillow and couldn’t get any grounding in the giant squishy inflatable pillow that I was engulf and couldn’t move. Eventually after a couple minutes I managed to very ungraciously roll out and crack up laughing. Didn’t do that one again.

FOMO FURY

This one was so much bloody fun but gosh that foam tasted freaking revolting and talk about dry out your skin. I have no idea how many times we went on this but if was probably close to 10 times. Foamy fun and hilarity.

BALLS OF GLORY

Tried it…..epic fail hahahaa

I stood on the platform and I couldn’t even figure out how to even launch on to that first gigantic ball! Well I jumped, which was a feat on its own realistically, but it was a huge fail lol

I didn’t even make the first ball and completely face planted and the landed on my back bedding into the crack of the padding sections laughing hysterically. Won’t be trying that one again.

SCREAM TOWER

This was by far my favourite of all obstacles.

It was challenging and exhausted but it was so much fun!! You had to climb up 30 stairs and then launch yourself down a slide that was 4 storey high. I think we did this one at least 15 times if not more and just quietly I was a bloody champion at all! Most people tapered off on speed half way down the slide however I was a super charged rocket managing to not only reach the end nearly every time but to go completely hurtling into the inflatable wall ending in a mangled up and crumpled heap.

I had my Fitbit on for the first 30 minutes and managed to burn off 406 calories. I then decided it was probably safer for the life of my Fitbit to go and put it in my bag as I was already completely drenched in that time. Knowing that the first 30 minutes we went a bit slow and steady I can honestly say it would have been at least 1,500 calories burnt in that 2 hours!

There was also an unspoken about obstacle that wasn’t on the brochure!! That was called tackling completely drenched and soapy gym pants and super sucker knickers in porta-loos!! Man that was an interesting endeavour!! In my head I had visions of my little cubicle going toppling over as I was trying to tame the wet and slippery clothes!!

A year ago this would not have even been remotely a possibility, today it was amazing!! I was a drenched, foamy, sweaty, itchy hot mess who was constantly having wardrobe malfunctions and boob slips from a too large and wet top but I had the most fun I have had doing something ridiculous in a long time!

Just saying I’m a bit proud of me!!

Energy plus today and boy oh boy did I put it to good use!

Started the day at the gym doing both weights and cardio burning off a cheeky 800 calories. I was a bit sluggish to start after having nearly a full week off at the gym but pushed through, increased my weights on all the equipment and increased the workload on the cross trainer.

On my way out of the gym I noticed a new promotion that they have just launched and I am seriously thinking about giving it a crack….nothing ventured nothing gained right?

I’m going to have a chat with Anita and see what she thinks about my being involved as she understand my situation better than all the other staff there.

When I got home my mate Mr Parcel Man had been again and left me a couple little presents waiting to be opened. I was super excited to receive my new gym pants. These were both premature purchases having them ready for when I had downsized enough to fit in them. Just for shits and giggles I thought I would try them on, well shoot me down with a feather they bloody fit now. They are too tight and can’t breathe properly but they fit!! Probably in another 5kg gone they will be good to go!

One pair while I was putting them away I thought to myself let’s do a comparison against my old pants. Admittedly they are different material with one being cotton pj pants and the new ones being compression gym pants BUT the difference is crazy where all you can do it look back and say “holy crap”.

After I had a shower I was feeling inspired by seeing lots of people (especially my sleeve sisters; Tara and Courtney) getting their new toned and terrific shoulders out so thought I would try on off the shoulder general size section kmart too I bought a couple months ago.

So I have to admit I absolutely love love love the shape and tone of my shoulders but this top was the most uncomfortable and inconvenient tops I have ever worn! I constantly wanted to adjust the shoulders or pull them back down when they popped up and I spent the entire time trying to readjust my boobs back where they are supposed to be. My new wind sock status is not the best situation for a low grade strapless bra to keep things under control.

10 minutes……that’s how long it lasted before it pissed me off enough to change out of the top again! But hey, I admired my shoulders for a while 😅🤣😂

After that I went into a zone where I not only cleared out another round of my too big clothes and put away all my new generously regimes additions but also went through Lachlan’s entire wardrobe to cull out all the clothes, particular his clothes from last summer, that no longer fit him.

Vinnies…..there are another 6 bags coming your way!

I also did 7 loads of washing, cleaned the kitchen, did the grocery shopping, vacuumed the floors, cooked dinner and tendered to my veggie patch. It wasn’t until about 5pm that I actually sat down and thought wow you have had one hell of a busy day and thank goodness you have all this abundance of new energy as 9 months ago this would have NEVER happened. I would have gone the grocery shopping and I would have been done, spent, exhausted!

Life is good, even if I do everything full steam ahead!

Today I want to talk and reflect upon something that has been a critical part of my success so far……strong support networks! These support networks for me come from many places and I want to take a bit of time to stop, discuss and most importantly acknowledge all of my support networks!

Firstly to two of my three biggest supports!! Jamie and Lachlan. These two males in my life are my humility, my reason, my motivation and my rational! While I know it is difficult for Jamie to see the changes in me as he sees me everyday and being the bean pole that he is he doesn’t understand the reality of struggles with weight. But I am so grateful for the ongoing support he gives me everyday. Supporting me to have the freedom to go to the gym most nights, letting me spend up on new clothes, protein powders and now new shoes as my feet have shrunk. For putting up with my mood swings when I don’t listen to my body telling me I need calories or fluid and for more importantly telling me everyday how well I am doing and how proud he is of me! He might not be the most verbal with his feelings but he is really one of my biggest supporters! And Lachlan…..well he is just there to make me laugh and appreciate life everyday! How could I not want to do everything within my control to be the best mum possible I can be.

My next biggest supporter has three letters to her name…. M U M

My beautiful mummy dearest! This woman is one hell of a woman, she is strong, she is determine, she is dedicated, she is loving, she is loyal, she is supportive, she is motivating and she is just damn well bloody awesome! I could not and would not be where I am in this journey without the constant love and support from my mum. Whether it be her cheeky remarks on my old “basketball head” or calling me a female shrek transformed, coming to the gym tackling the “torture chamber” with me or just a beautiful little text message on the side with a heart telling me she is proud of me calling me a weight loss machine. My mum is an incredible woman and I can only hope that one day I am half of a good mum to Lachlan as she is to me! She supports and loves me unconditionally and I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that she is proud of what I have achieved and will continue to achieve.

My next biggest support network is my amazing group of friends! I may not have an endless number of close friends that I used to have when I was younger BUT the ones that I do have I would not trade in for a heartbeat! They are my biggest fans and biggest supporters. It’s so bizarre when we look at my before and after photos together they nearly all make comment that they don’t ever remember me looking like I did in “before”. And that’s when I know they love me for me as a person and not for superficial reasons. They are all so supportive and understanding to my new dietary changes when we go out, come to the gym and planning to do other work outs together, embracing my new wardrobe and helping me step out of my comfort zone trying on new clothes in new styles I would have never considered before. I am so grateful to have such an amazing group of ladies and gentlemen in my life that are supporting me with every change I make, complimenting me on the progressing and cheering me on at every goal I reach. I know it’s hard for them as they don’t understand all facets of what I am going through as none of them are larger than life BUT they are doing their damn best to be cheerleaders for me and it makes my heart smile!

My work colleagues! I love my work ladies (and a couple gents). I really do work with an amazing bunch of people. Originally I was going to a secret sleever but this became evidently difficult when you work in the health department, you lose a lot of weight very quick and you very obviously have had a complete dietary overhaul after a long stint away from work. Every Wednesday they ask about my weigh in results, they celebrate the little wins along the way, they compliment me on all my new outfits and emerging style, they unnecessarily try and hide their “regular people” food choices from me so not to flaunt it in my face and they try my new wacky protein pimped food when I bring it in to share. The put up with my weird and random belly noises and reactions from eating in the form of hiccups and burps, they put up with my grumpy moods, they tell me to pull my head in when I’m carrying in like a drama queen, they tell me to take my vitamins and to go and have another glass of water. And most importantly they know the way to my heart is to keep my suitably full off coffee!! These people aren’t only my colleagues they are also my friends and I’m grateful that they are there to support me along the way since we spent so much time together!

I am also a member of multiple sleeve and bariatric Facebook support groups and I really enjoy being an active member in this social media support network. The WLS world is very unique and it’s often difficult to understand and explain what is going on in your world but in this WLS social media community these other sleeve brother and sisters…they really get it. While in some of the bigger groups you can get some judgmental keyboard warriors and trolls that is what it is and I have no problems ignoring that, at the end of the day it’s Facebook and to be expected! I am in some little groups where I am a lot more active in my involvement and conversations. I can freely open up to what I am thinking and feeling and have people completely understand what I mean. I don’t tell people what to do and others don’t tell me what to do but we share our experiences and learning along the way as it may help each other on our own path. We acknowledge each other’s successes and victories no matter how big or small they are without any jealous or judgement and only with support, appreciation and pride. In these small forums I can comfortable openly discussing very private things that I don’t freely discuss in my “real” world as simply….they get it. I’m sure they get sick of my random chatter, endless selfies and me being the self appointed poo police but I am so lucky that they are always received with joy, support and positivity.

Some of these beautiful women are also so gracious, generous and kind and go as far as posting me bags and bags of clothes that they no longer need as they are too big for them. I now have a full wardrobe in both my current size and for the next size down. I am so very grateful for all these beautiful pieces of clothes that I have been and will continue to wear with pride. When I wear them I feel a little bit special and it warms my heart knowing that I am wearing a little bit of love from a kind hearted and like minded soul. Wearing clothes that I haven’t tried on before is always slightly scary as you are wearing different styles and shapes that you may not be used to but so far I have really liked every piece I have been gifted and nights like tonight I try on something that is a different style that I look at myself and think WOW look at that developing and defined waist!

To my blog followers! This one is for you……I often wonder who would take the time out of their day to read my random ramblings and unloading of my brain daily as I really don’t see myself as that interesting or exciting. Honestly I do this diary as much for myself to help process and articulate what I am thinking and feeling.  I do also help to support others on a similar path and to share my journey and to help understand what’s going on in my little brain. I am truly honoured and humbled by the supportive comments, encouragement and motivation I get from all the posts, likes and private messages I get from people. I never claimed and never will claim to be a WLS expert who has all the answers but I am happy to share my experience….the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing with others if it will help make their day a little bit easier. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to open up and share the not always favourable parts of this crazy ride but I know that this needs to be real and it’s not always rainbows and lollipops (sugar free lollipops of course) and that it’s just as important to share my vulnerable and down moments too. The motivation and words of inspiration that I get from all my followers really is a huge support to me and I am so grateful that I have made the choice to open up my journey and that all these amazing cheerleaders have come into my life to help keep me positive and focused!

The last and final acknowledgement I think deserve a comment in this post is the person looking back at me in the mirror. I never knew that I had the strength, courage and commitment to do what I have done. I didn’t know that I could look in the mirror (clothed of course) and like and be comfortable with what I see. I didn’t know that I was struggling coping with life at my biggest and how much better things are now. I have always been comfortable with me as a person and now I am really learning to be comfortable within my skin now too. I feel like that person in the mirror is my alter ego that is supporting me in continuing to strive to achieve. I feel like every face off that I do my confidence grows a little more!

So I guess the whole point of this post is to first and most importantly acknowledge and thank all the fantastic support networks that I have in my life but to to say to anyone else on this same WLS journey make sure you surround yourself by positive and supportive people and don’t forget that the person in the mirror will be your best support of all!

The intensity of the last week has taken its toll on me and once again I am beyond stuffed and once again not going to the gym. My brain is telling my this fat isn’t going to move itself but my body is telling me it’s time to rest and be kind to my body!

Today was a big day at work attending a function for the opening of a new and exciting health facility. I had a moment while the speeches were on that I looked at the reflections in the glass that I thought wow there is someone else wearing a dress the same colour as mine….

No Holly you twit, you’re the only one in a coral dress – that is actually your own reflection!!!!

It’s weigh in Wednesday again, I know I say this every week but it really does come around so quickly every week!

The last week has not been great for me as the little guy has been very unsettled which has severely effected his sleep. Instead of waking every night for an hour he’s been waking multiple times for at least an hour each or the ultimate of the ultimate was last night when he was awake for 5 hours! I have been snacking during this middle of the night stints, admittedly I’m making healthier snacking choices however it’s not normally food that I would be having post sleeve. This made me exceptional nervous for today’s weigh in as I know I haven’t been making the best choices and haven’t been as disciplined as I should be.

I’m not making excuses for my choices, they are my choices that I probably shouldn’t be making but I am acknowledging them and now going to refocus and start focusing on better choices!

Having said all of that I am pleasantly surprised that despite this I have still managed a decent loss this week.

This week – 0.9kg

Since surgery – 57.2kg

Total – 76.1kg

My day started heading off to the GP. I needed to get a couple skin irritations looked at, both as a result of my surgery. I haven’t seen my GP since about February, she didn’t recognise me in the change room and was completely floored with my changes to the point of my making me do a twirl to “check me out”. It’s so nice to have my health care provider getting visibly choked up and teary with how proud she is of me and how far I have come.

The first skin issue is related to my super woman skin cape (aka all my excess skin).  Particularly my belly button but also my under my apron where my pelvis is I am having skin irritations that are red raw, swollen and with a revolting slight infection. I have been keeping it dry as possible with corn flour and using anti-fungal creams to try and combat/ manage things in collaboration with really tight undergarments to try and keep things where they should be BUT it’s just not keeping the irritation contained. She has prescribed me an anti-bacterial cream with steroids in it to use 2 times a day to try and keep things under control before they get even worse. And I have to learn to manage accordingly as we all know it’s going to get much worse before it gets better!!

The second skin issue is predominately on my pinky and in the join between my second and third finger and now has also spread to above and below my lip. I have developed dermatitis, this is something I have never experienced in my life until now. My little finger is by far the worst, to the point it’s cracked and at times bleeding. My GP told me off for leaving it so long to have it looked at to the point it’s now slightly infected. In my defence who on earth goes to the doctor for a sore little finger!!

So I have a steroid laden dermatitis cream to use on the area twice a day and I need to sleep with my hand wrapped in glad wrap to keep the area moist to help promote recovery as soon as possible. Back in a couple weeks to get it checked out and make sure it’s suitably healing or I will need a referral to a dermatologist for review.

Today was a designer day for me! For the first time in my entire life I have worn designer label clothes. Thanks to an extremely kind and generous heart of another sleever who has posted me some absolutely stunning Calvin Klein dresses that are too big for her. I am so very grateful to her generosity! I finished the gorgeous dress off with another re-homed cardigan from another dear friend who has also shared some of her clothes that are too big for her.

So here is me in my designer Calvin Klein dress….

Feeling good and feeling confident within myself but I am not gonna lie, it’s nice to hear the mountain of compliments that I got today!

First official day of the school holidays since yesterday was a public holiday. Being my regular Tuesday off I was home with the little guy and I also looked after our closest friends little guy today too.

They had a great day together but it was hard work. Somehow I still managed to cook 3 dinner, pack 3 lunchboxes for tomorrow, cleaned and mopped the bathroom, vacuumed all the floors, did a couple loads of washing, did some weeding all while looking these two dear little men…..feeling somewhat like a super hero mum today and in the process I have discovered that I already have an inbuilt cape. In the form of excess skin!!

Even if I did forget to have lunch myself and quickly had to put something together at 2pm to fuel my body.

I am fair active in the weight loss/ Bariatric/ gastric sleeve social media forums and I see at least daily posts from other members about their disappointment with their weight loss or people calling themselves “slow losers”. These posts make me a combination of sad and frustrated so I just feel like I want to share my learning along the way that may help others in new ways of looking at their journey.

This is my key advice points for any WLS patient:

– Rome wasn’t built in a day…..it took us a very long time years and years to get us to the point of needing WLS. WLS is not an instant fix and it’s going to take time to reverse our situations

– your journey is your journey and yours alone, don’t compare to others. Yes they may have similar stats to you BUT do they have the same DNA construct as you, co-morbidities as you, lifestyle situation as you…..unless it’s your identical twin probably not so you’re comparing apples to oranges

– a loss is a loss and as big or as small as your loss if then you’re that loss closer to your end goal than you were yesterday

– if you didn’t have WLS what would have your weight done? Either remained the same or even gained….

– stay focused, stay positive – always remember why you made the decisions you did to have WLS

– break down your total weight loss into small achievable goals along the way so you can small achievable goals in front of you and not the big daunting task in front of you

– don’t forget that WLS is a tool to change your life, you change your life not your surgery…..you get out of it what you put into it

– remember that dreaded weight is only one measure of your progress, there are so many more measure than kg alone

– celebrate the NSV or little wins on the way, it’s so important to stop and acknowledge the improvements in your life

– be kind to yourself and be proud of what your working to achieve and what you have achieved already! Making the decision to improve your health and wellbeing alone is something to be proud of!

Anyway, just wanted to put this out and hopefully one person can resonate with this post and they can start feeling most positive and proud of their changes……whatever the numbers say!

Last night was another brutal night with the little guy who decided that last night party time went from 12.30-6am. Started my days with 3 hours and 48 minutes sleep and a double shot protein iced coffee.

The day started pretty sluggish and it took me a while to get going but managed to drag myself to the gym reluctantly at about 2pm and did an hour of cardio.

When I got home I had a random burst of energy and decided that while the sun was shining I would get some of this vitamin D that I am low on into me and got stuck into some gardening and when I say gardening I mean heavy duty weeding for the first time post-winter

I also de-weeded the the veggie patch and planted some more seedlings. I now have tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, capsicums, zucchini and watermelons planted. I am THE worlds worst gardener but let’s see if I can keep these plants alive to at least see one of each grow!

Much to my surprise the 50 minutes of gardening was quiet the little workout on its own burning 612 calories in the process!

While I was doing this gardening I also was multi-tasking like a boss cooking a roast at the same time. My favourite of all time favourite roasts is roast pork belly. I have tried it a couple times post-op and every time it has ended very badly in “dump-town” but today I celebrate a food NSV in that I ate my tea party roast pork belly……AND IT STAYED DOWN!!

And then finished off my delicious meal with another new recipe creation of some protein biscotti.

So while I had a crappy night and a slow start to my day I had a super productive and delicious day!

Wow….it’s October already, this year has gone so ridiculously quickly!

Today was another rough one with the little guy. I am convinced he must be coming down with something! Most kids when they are crook get lethargic and just curl up and want to rest……my cherub grows horns, drinks a carton of red bull (not literally – figuratively) and turns into the devil on a massive sugar high. Needless to say it’s lucky that my energy levels are much higher than they used to be as it’s been a longgggg day.

Regardless of that I get to celebrate another couple NSV today! I was going through the last of my clothes from the shed and came across one of my old dresses that I have always loved but only worn once before. Not because of the size….well when it used to fit me, but because of the style. I have spent my entire life avoiding any style which draws attention to my waist at the hip/belly level. I have spent my entire hope hiding my shape and flowing over the areas that I have always hated the most!

Today I owned a hip defining dress and felt great in it!! And miraculously didn’t have the gigantic belly bulge I hate so very much.

Until I went outside and realised I was going to freeze my arse off while we were at Victor Harbor lol so had to change anyway.

While trying to attempt this photo I discovered my second NSV along the way…..I can see my feet now! It’s been a long time since I could see my feet, my belly and boobs have always been on the way!!