Today I granted myself a total rest day!

My body and my mind were both feeling tired and fatigued. So today no gym, no worrying about nutritional values of food and no worrying about fluid levels.

Today I enjoyed a family day with my boys before I’m back at work tomorrow.  I don’t feel guilty at all, I am actually quite content with my choice to throw caution to the wind and have that extra coffee and a few crackers with some dip.

I needed a day like today. But I’ll be back on deck again tomorrow! 

Today marks seven months since I had my sleeve which means that it’s the day for my monthly body measurements. Before I even got to totalling the measurements I had a NSV of only needing the tape measure to go around me one time without needing additional length.

I have lost another 10cm in the last month.

I have lost 73cm since surgery.

I have lost a total of 132cm since my first appointment with Lilian in October last year.

My brain can not even fathom that length gone. Lachlan is 122cm tall so that’s taller than him!

This morning I had a lovely family morning with my sister and all the kids heading to the train park in Port Adelaide. As we were sitting down for snack time (aka coffee for me). I looked over at my three little cherubs….

And I realised that I have lost the combined weight of all theee kids. That is at shit crazy!!!

You also have to love the raw honesty of children. My gorgeous little six year old nephew says to me today “you’ve got a big tummy Aunty Holly, but it’s not as big as it used to be.” You don’t get m uh more honest than that!

Today I went on multiple train rides within the kids and that wouldn’t have happened at all 8 months ago.

My sister has never acknowledged my weight loss but today she went out of her way to say how awesome I am looking and how well I am doing 😀😄😁.

Once we eventually got home this afternoon I got dinner organised and set off to the gym. I decided to stick with my train theme of the day and channelled a puffing steam train pushing myself on the treadmill and maxing out the incline at 25.

It’s also an arms workout as I have to hang on for dear life so I don’t fall off. I wasn’t working at any race winning pace but the heart rate was going and burning some serious calories.

I also did I could rounds of weights going 5kg heavier than yesterday and I’m struggling to lift my arms over my head tonight hahaha.

Came home from the gym and I was super hungry and keen to get stuck into my nacho bowl for dinner.

Even if it’s only a tea party portion!

Not an exciting day today. Even though I’m on holidays from work I had an action packed day full of appointments with the little guy.

While we were at Flinders I used it as an opportunity to call into Lilian’s clinic to pick up some more multi-vitamins. Michelle on the desk was away at my last appointment and she didn’t recognise me. When she asked my name she was like ‘holy crap, look at you’. Such a weird feeling when people don’t recognise you!

I had a test of my will and determination this afternoon having a rare bit of down time. I had the choice of having a nap or going to the gym. What have I become……I chose the gym!!!!

Only 30 minutes of cardio today but I did 4 rotations of weights. I’m actually looking forward to setting up my program on 2 August to help me tone some muscles. I know it’s not going to help with my excess skin situation but it will hopefully reveal some muscle tone and definition, one day!!

Weigh in Wednesday 

This week – 2.4kg

Since surgery – 46.2kg

Total – 65.1kg

I am in complete shock and disbelief of this result after the disruptions to my regular routine. So much in disbelief I stepped on the scales 3 times to get the exact same figure. Normally I just go wit the first measure no questions asked.

My Mum has been helping out at the family farm today in the shearing shed and she sent me an amusing text telling me I have lost the equal of a big adult sheep……thanks Mum 🤣😂😅

I pushed myself to go to the gym despite being warm and snugly on the couch. 20 minutes on the X-trainer (123 calories), 30 minutes in the bike (198 calories) and 30 minutes on the treadmill (495 calories), walked out exhausted and dripping in sweat. 

This hard work better be damn worth it as now it just hurts!!

The last few weeks I have noticed that my skin and lips especially have been exceptionally dry and waking up in the morning with the CPAP mask leaving red almost burn marks on my face. So for the last 3 nights I have not worn it.

I’m looking forward to my next appointment with the sleep specialist as I don’t think I will need it anymore as without it I have been sleeping really well and waking up more refreshed than when I do wear it. And all reports  have come back that I don’t make a peep while sleeping anymore. No more grizzly bear snoring!

Travelled back to Adelaide today and really struggled again with on the road eating.

I ended up buying a sandwich. It stayed down but sat super heavy. Percy really doesn’t like bread.

It was great being away but I’m looking forward to getting back into my food routines. I have no idea what tomorrow’s weigh in will result in after being away.

Hit the gym tonight (because I could) doing 20 minutes on the X-trainer for 133 calories and 40 minutes on the treadmill for 614 calories.

No idea if they are good numbers but I worked damn hard while I was there!

Had a stressful lack of sleep night after a middle of the night ‘adventure’ to the local emergency department with a sick little man! It’s not an easy task to entertain a sick little busy 5 year old in a small waiting room so I used it as an opportunity for incidental exercise and spent over 30 minutes cutting laps pushing him around in a wheelchair. The things you do as a parent!

We head off for lunch as a treat for our well behaved patient after his x-ray and I had a much more successful experience in ordering having the beef and mushroom soup that was all sorts of delicious! It was so yummy that even Lachlan had a crack at my left overs.

It’s nice to have a positive and normal dining experience so quickly to feel better about social experiences of eating out!

Woke up this morning in the hotel room feeling refreshed. One of the main reasons I picked where we stayed was because it had a gym I could use. So this morning I got up and head off to the gym.

The environment was somewhat lacklustre with pretty crappy equipment but it was better than nothing. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill but it only had a maximum incline of 9 rather than the 15-20 incline that I have been using at the gym so the calorie burn was only 1/3rd of what I do at the gym.

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but I miss going to the gym.

This next part is extremely confronting and terrifying to write about and share.

When I got back to the room I had a shower and obviously the mirrors are lower than the mirror in our bathroom at home as I was completely exposed to see the skin situation before me.

My boobs (or the things that used to be boobs) now have a life of their own are severely heading south. My apron is beyond offensive with the saggy droopy skin and the loose skin on my upper thighs really has no description except YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!

While part of me in quiet upset that my body looks so disgusting and deformed the other part of me is proud of me morphing into ET as it’s a physical and tangible result of my hard work.

I also need to prepare myself that things are going to get even worse and even more revolting until I get to a stable weight and can engage in the process of getting all my excess skin surgically removed.

When we got back to Renmark we met Mum and Lachlan at the Club for lunch. This was the first time I have ever experienced prejudice around mu ordering a smaller portion.

For once the kids menu had a grilled chicken and salad so I was over the moon to order that. I requested to order that and said I was more than happy to forgo the free drink, icecream and activity pack. She said that she needed to check with the head chef. The verdict was that regardless of my dietary requirements the only way I could order the kids meals was with an $8 surcharge. Regardless of the fact I didn’t want all the extras that they would save money on they wanted to charge the equal price of an adult sized schnitzel for two tiny grilled chicken tenderloins and a bit of lettuce!

Needless to say I didn’t order anything at all and just picked off of Mum’s plate instead. If they were trying to exploit my clinical need for a dietary requirement for a massive financial gain then they were not getting any money off me at all!

While we were there we ran into some locals who I have known my entire life. They were sitting at the the table next to me for 30 minutes and didn’t recognise me at all. Once they recognised Mum and realised it was me they were completely gobsmacked with the amount of weight that I had lost.
I think Lachlan must have missed me last night as he passed out on top me again for the second time this week and DAMN he is heavy.

I had 30kg passed out on top of me. It’s really hard to believe that I have lost twice that amount of weight off of my frame.

Tonight Jamie and I had a rare and treasured night off. We head off at about 10:30 AM towards Mildura for a mini getaway.

Before we left I asked Mum to take up address that she had had at her house so I could wear it out on our date night tonight. I tried it on and will frankly I wasn’t wearing anywhere as it resembled a black circus tent on me.

When we got to Mildura my first stop was target to find something nice to wear on date night. To my complete shock and disbelief I bought myself a gorgeous fit and flare dress from the ‘normal’ size section. Admittedly it was a little snug with the pleats not sitting right and way tighter than I am used to and it was a flattering cut BUT it was not from the plus size section.

I have been wearing plus sizes my entire adult life.
We got some Laksa for lunch and head back to the hotel room to have. Soup is my go-to order out but today it was an epic fail. Our romantic night away started with me sitting on the bathroom floor inspecting the toilet bowl. Once I had a lay down I recovered pretty quickly.

We then went out for dinner. It’s hard to order when out in small portions as most entrees and starters are heavily carb loaded so I ordered a lamb burger and deconstructed it.

My efforts were dismal but Jamie enjoyed my left overs.

When we finished we went on our own mini pub crawl walking between venues. In the process of walking slightly over 5km (in heels) I re-introduced alcohol for the first time since surgery and had a few vodka, lime and sodas.

It was lovely to get dressed up and have some time out just the two of us wearing my new NORMAL sized dress!

Mum, Lachlan and I had a busy day today despite a very disrupted sleep for everyone involved. We head off at 9.30am to have coffee with one of Mum’s friends at the play cafe, had a lovely positive chat about my sleeve journey.

We then head off to do a spot of shopping and then realised it was 2pm and I had been very wayward with my nutriton and fluids and felt very flat and low on calories so topped up quickly until we got home and 3pm I had a knocked together quickly but still yummy and healthy lunch.

While we were out at the shops I bought myself a couple of discounted items. I bought a dress that I tried on for Karla’s wedding in a December. In December I couldn’t even get the biggest size over my boobs or bum. Today I bought a size smaller than I couldn’t fit into and if anything it’s a bit baggy in places!

I’m not really in a great place at the moment slightly overwhelmed with the long road that I still have in front of me and I often feel disheartened that even thought I have achieved so much already so quickly that the end goal still seems almost unachievable, unrealistic and so bloody far away! 

I feel like I am stuck in a long and dark tunnel  but these little glimmers of light do give me hope and keep leading me towards the end of the tunnel!

Balancing busyness with monitoring nutriton and fluid is actually a real struggle. I had a frantic and busy morning heading to work with just having a coffee.

Left work at around 10.30 got home to a flurry of getting ready, packing and heading off on our road trip.

I knew I would have to eat in transit as we would be in the car for nearly 4 hours. I had a mini wrap at around 1pm and then off we went.

I was hoping to have a nibble to get my protein levels up but it didn’t happen as Jamie was asleep and I couldn’t reach or open my little packed snacks while in transit.

I stil didn’t feel hungry at all I just knew I needed to eat!

When I arrived at Mum’s place she showed me a top she had bought me, both of us said it was a great top to put aside for when it fits. I tried it on and it bloody well fits and looks respectable! It’s a size Large…what the?!?!? 

Maybe just maybe that damn number on the clothes is starting to reduce too!