I generally try to keep my posts uplifting, positive and inspiring….today is not one of those posts. Today is all about realness!

To start with I will get the statistics out of the way. At Wednesday’s weigh in this week

This week – 1.1kg

Total – 90kg

90-freaking-kg LOST. Wow just wow….I can’t even fathom!

So coming to the realness of today’s post. Today my body is not enjoying the by-product of extreme weight loss!

SKIN…..

My normal Saturday morning routine is to get up early and head to the gym for my biggest and largest workout of the week. I always look forward to my Saturday morning session at the gym.

Today I did not go. Today I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t endure the pain and discomfort that I have in my body at the moment. My lower back is very badly aching from the “shake rattle and roll” effect of the excess skin during exercise. My belly button has flared up again and is at the point of bleeding again and the rash under my apron is red raw and beyond painful when anything brushes against it let alone making it endure the intensity of exercise.

I knew heading into surgery that I would have excess skin and I knew that it was going to cause problems. I said to myself I would be ok with the skin and I would wear proudly as a badge of honour or as a sign of my achievements. I can honestly say that I have tried to do that but I can’t. So let’s have a snap shot of where I am at with my skin……

MENTALLY – I am ok with the skin mentally as I knew it was coming and I know it’s only temporary until I can have it removed. Even though I’m impatient as hell and I want it gone now I know that it took me 30 years to get to the point I was pre-surgery that it’s not going to instantly be resolved overnight. Mentally I’m in transient mode knowing that it’s only short term

VISUALLY – with clothes on and when it’s sucked and tucked into my spanx the skin doesn’t bother me hugely. The shape of Bertha bothers me but again I know it’s temporary and I’m trying to learn to dress and work around the beast that Bertha is. Without clothes I am officially a horrific beast, I look revolting. I was expected that once I lost weight I would look better, but in all honesty I feel like I looked before before when my skin was full and my skin was smooth.

PHYSICALLY – as I have already mentioned I am struggling with the pain. I have tried every cream and every remedy that has been recommended to me. Which at least count is 23 different things and not one manages the clear and manage the rashes, discomfort and pains that I am living with.

I am so very grateful for my new lease on life and for me being a happier healthier and more active person. I am so very grateful for my sleeve being the tool I needed for me to make the life style changes I have made.

But I need to be real, the extreme weight loss does have some unintended consequences that for realness and being true to this journey I need to talk about it. Having said that even with these down sides I wouldn’t change things in a heartbeat. How on earth can I be unhappy with the fact I am no long heading towards an early grave due to morbid obesity.

So once again it’s been a while between WHMP blog posts so thought I would touch base and update the exciting things that have been happening.  In my last post I did I was in the middle of attending well being and resilience training for work.  It was an interesting couple of day but has made me reflect which I am doing very well and achieving some great things in my work at the moment I am very self-focused at the moment.  Not in a self absorbed or selfish manner, just centred within myself to be the best version of myself I can possible be.

As a part of day 2 of the rest we all had to complete a self assessment to determine you “Character Strengths” through the VIA website  https://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths/Science-Of-Character

My reported top 7 character strengths were an interesting reflection and somewhat revealing my current situation.  And after reading them I couldn’t actually dispute what the outcome was and in fact it’s a pretty good assessment of me.  It also showed that it’s more relevant to my weight loss journey therefore it being the focus in my life currently.

There were my results:

1 Kindness
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favour.  You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you don’t know them well.

2 Hope
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

3 Honesty
You are a straightforward person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a “real” person.

4 Zest
You approach all experiences with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

5 Social Intelligence
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people.  You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.

6 Humor
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

7 Humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.

These definitions have been directly copied and pasted from the VIA Institution on Character website from the Character Strengths using the results of my personal response to the Free VIA Survey.
http://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths

This made me reflect that I am generally a good kind hearted person and I’m proud of who I am as a person.

I have also had my February body measurements taken since the last post in which I have lost a further 12cm from my 6 body measurements with the biggest loss being 5cm off my waist and for the first time in a long time I have lost some measurements off my calf.  Both of these results would be why in the last month I have had an increasing number of comments in regards to how “tiny” my waist is looking – I still find it somewhat hilarious that anyone would use tiny as an adjective to describe a part of my body!!  This would also explain why in the last month I have FINALLY found a part of my body that I not only like but I’m actually learning to LOVE!!!!

In the past week I have also, although probably still prematurely, had delved into the world of the next stage of my weight loss journey being the world of plastic and reconstructive surgery.  Which I like to call my “relocation services” as I will have all my body part picked up and surgically reattached to where they are supposed to belong.  Ideally I would be at goal weight before I would even consider having any form of surgery which would be completed over 2 different surgeries. Firstly the bottom half, full tummy tuck and legs done and secondly the boobs and arms tidied up.  However given that I have lost just shy of 90kg, I am very physically active and I am having a copious amount of weight loss world problems because of the excess skin my surgeon has suggest we consider adding in an extra surgery before we do the two intended surgeries. He has suggested that once my weight loss starts to stabilise and I hit my first real plateau that we consider my having and apronectomy.  This being basically just the removal of all the problematic excess skin in the apron area and once I have recovered will reduce the limitation, particularity when it comes to movement and exercise to help me get to the goal weight needed for the complete relocations procedures.

I go back in 3 months to see how I am travelling and where I am up to in my journey to see if we are ready to consider the apronectomy.  To hear that this is even an option makes me beyond happy as it pain that the apron causes especially during exercise  in the apron area as well as my lower back is not something that I enjoy at all.  It has given me hope and focus that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am also so elated and comfortable with my choice of surgeons and I’m excited about the future and I know I am in excellent hands.

I have been a little bit stressed with all the miscommunication and social media coverage in regards to the forthcoming changes to BUPA private health insurance coverage so I decided to bite the bullet and go into BUPA and find out exactly what was going on as I discovered with the changes my cover would be impacted and without upgrading I would not actually be covered for plastic and reconstructive surgery, due to medical reasons.  So I have not upgraded my cover and there will be no waiting periods in place as I have upgraded during the transition period so I have peace of mind that from a health insurance perspective I am covered and it’s ready to go when my body is ready.

After my successful and positive appointment during the day on Tuesday I had a lovely surprise on Tuesday night and got to catch up with a girlfriend and her youngest who I haven’t seen since before I had surgery as she now lives in Canberra.  Needless to say she was somewhat gob-smacked with how I looked and at my transformation that I have made in a short period of time.  She was also over the moon to try some of my delicious but healthy treats in the fridge and both her and her kids loved my new NutBerry Bars.  It’s hard for me to see the progress as I see myself daily and it’s been a transitional thing for me, and also for Jamie.  So it’s been a great reflection to have that feedback from someone I love with all my heart and respect beyond words that I haven’t seen in a long long time.  I guess this is the transition that she has seen.

I also had my standard Wednesday weekly weigh in this week sitting at the same stable weight at the week before of 88.9kg lost.

Wednesday night I head off after work to the Ed Sheeran concert at the Adelaide Oval.  It was such an usual feeling that I had being normal and feeling like I just easily blended in as just one of the 60,000 people in the crowd.  I was not the eye sore anyone that everyone awkwardly gawked at feeling pity on or being disgusted at my size.  I really enjoyed the concert and it was nice to be able to stand for 3 hours without being physically uncomfortable or distressed from carrying around the extra weight.

I did have a bit of a funny turn in the middle of the concert where I had a massive dizzy spell and the world starting to feel like I was about to go arse up.  Luckliy my dear friend Fi, helped me to the group, I lent back and took in a few deep breathes and got a gust of fresh air amongst all the people and within a couple songs I came good again.  I could only attribute this to over the day I simply did not eat enough.  I forgot my lunchbox of Wednesday so ended up buying my lunch and dinner both being variations of soup which clearly wasn’t adequate in calories, carbs and protein for me to trek all over Adelaide and continue to function without passing out.  Crisis averted and no pass out or first aid required in the middle of the concert.

I have also had my next round of appointments with my bariatric surgeons clinic.  I had my next appointment with the bariatric GP and my amazing dietician.  I have come to the conclusion that no matter how well I am actually doing I still get crazy nervous about any appointments at ABC.  I get the feeling this is what it would be like being called to the principals office at school, however I can only imagine that is how it feels as realistically I was a goody two-shoes who didn’t get called to the principals office hahaha.  I also have come to realise that I “dress up” when I go to these appointments not only finding the right clothes that are light weight and weigh the least but also clothes that actually visually impactful.  This is what i decided on this appointment.

Of course when you get to your appointment you weigh in, the dreaded scales.  Knowing that their scales are always higher than mine at home and I’m actually attired unlike my weigh ins at home, I was actually elated with the results being only 800g heavier than my scales at home (when previously it’s been 2.5kg heavier).  This means by there scales I have lost exactly 88kg.

My first appointment was with Kiki, we had a chat and went through all the normal its and bits.  We then did my waist measurements which came back that I have lost 67cm  and my hips measurement which I have lost another 62cm since my first appointment with her a few weeks pre-op.  I have also lost another 8kg in the 3 months since my last appointment so my average weekly weight loss is now sitting at around 700g which is great for 15 months post op. Two thumbs up from that appointment with the sign off that I’m doing amazing things and rocking my new style.

My second appointment was with Nick, we had a chat again going through my diet, my fluids,  my multivitamins, discussing my hair loss stabilising and generally overall how I am travelling from a nutritional perspective.  So food wise….I’m doing excellent, my portion control is good, my choices are great, my fluids are at an adequate level (but could be slightly improved if I am  honest with myself).  One area of concern is the 3pm flat lining that I have been experiencing of late which has resulting in me getting cranky, having dizzy spells and experiencing headaches.  This has been attributed to my lack of carbs in my diet.  So to combat these symptoms I am needing to add in an extra 20g of carbs in my daily intake which is due to my high impact, high intensity and high yield of calories that I am burning at the gym.  I also need to have a think about potentially scaling back on my frequency of weights in the gym and focusing a little bit more on cardio as given my overall size I don’t want to built too much more muscle mass and need to focus more in reducing the excess fat still on my frame.  We also adjusted my goal to be more realistic for my height and frame from 85kg to 90kg meaning that I actually only have less than 30kg to get to the end game.

We have also discovered that in the process I have missed my 12 month post op appointment with Lilian herself, so that has been scheduled for 3 months time.  So in June I am back to ABC to see Lilian and the back to see Nick and Kiki in 6 months time.

I am honestly starting to feel like I am in a good place, actually strike that I’m in a great place with how I am travelling and I really feel like my brain is finally starting to catch up with the program even if my eyes still cant see the progress because I look like an ET shaped candle that is melting!!

So today and tomorrow I am attending resilience and wellbeing training for work.

The one thing that resonated the most with me throughout my first day was the section where we spent talking about cultivating gratitude. I think this sat close to home as over the last 15 months I have been on a journey of not only weight loss but also of self discovery and self awareness.

So a part of my “homework” for the night was to right down three things that went well in the last 24 hours. Being: and event, something good, goals you’ve achieve or individuals who care for you?

So it’s all good and well name these things but to cultivate this concept of gratitude it’s important to take it to the next level and to consider and reflect why did it go well? And how did you or other contribute?

1. I am grateful for my amazing personal trainer.

She came into my life as I was only just becoming comfortable in the world of gym’s and she has always been so kind, understanding and full of information about the services available at the gym.

Since starting my regular Thursday morning “torture” session with her she has become an amazing inspiration and motivation to me keeping me focused, keeping me challenged, changing things up, being my food guinea pig for new recipes and listening to me whinge, bitch and moan more than I probably should during my session!

Today I am grateful for my Thursday morning PT session, even on days when it’s a struggle to get up at stupid o’clock I push myself beyond what I ever thought was imaginable!

2. I am grateful that the Taskboard Launch at the Royal Adelaide Hospital has been a roaring success

This week has been a big week for me professionally in which a major component of one of my work projects has been launched at the biggest hospital in the state.

I am grateful that the launch has gone off without a hitch and the feedback has been beyond positive for all staff that they are feeling more supported and most importantly it is positively impacting on improved patient care.

Why did it go so well, from months of coordination, team work, planning and having a cracking good software package I have written.

Not only am I grateful about the success of the launch, I’m also proud of myself and the entire team involved.

3. My family

The journey that I have been on and am continuing on. While it has been centred around me and my personal pursuit for health and happiness it has also inadvertently impacted on my entire family network.

I am eternally grateful for the ongoing love, support and encouragement that my family give to me on a daily basis. I am appreciative for the support that they give me to have the capacity to go to the gym 4-5 times a week. I am graciously learning to accept the compliments that I get from them and taking the time to not only hear what they are saying to me but to also listen and believe it.

I love my family and they are my biggest support network which there are no words for how grateful I am for them!!

So it’s been a while between my “When Holly Met Percy” blog posts so thought it was timely to touch base.

The last fortnight has been somewhat challenging. Not from a sleeve perspective but from a work perspective as I have a whole tirade of unexpected stresses that I have been trying to process but I have pushed through and survived.

I have however had some great things happen in my personal growth, development and self affirmations.

I had a body composition scan. This is an X-ray style scan which gives you a full break down of your body composition.

While the picture is FAR from flattering is has lots of positives that I can see.

I was completely shocked that there was no red or even orange which indicates dense and pure fat within my scan. I am also pleasantly surprised with the amount and density of the blue, which indicates muscle, within the scan. The lady who did the scan commented that it’s the biggest and most vibrant amount of blue that she has every seen within a person of my size. While the picture is confronting and unflattering I am delighted that I can see the positives and the evidence of my hard work paying off.

She also went on to talk about my percentage of body fat. I was honestly expecting my body fat percentage to be sitting at around 50% that was indicated in the “monitor my weight” app that I use as my weight tracker. The results of the scan actually indicate that my actual percentage of body fat is only 30%.

Chatted on the graph above I am actually sitting below average (the average percentage of body fat is indicated by the blue line) of percentage of body fat for females my age of 36. I find it rewarding and also a sense of disbelief that I am below average.

So the overall results 4% bone mass, 66% muscle mass and 30% fat mass…..and my head weighs 4.1kg which I find it somewhat hilarious.

I was also introduced to the Fat Mass Index (FMI) scale which I didn’t know even existed. The FMI scale is supposed to be more reliable than the more well known BMI scale as it considers your percentage of body fat and actually isn’t distorted by the weight of my excess skin or the weight of the muscle that I have developed working hard at the gym.

My FMI classification is 12.50

Considering the BMI scale I am still considered Obese Class II however within the FMI scale I am considered overweight/excess fat.

I am so delighted that while I can’t see physical transformations that I made because of the deformities of my excess skin, this scan has really given me peace of mind that underneath that skin coating I am progressing and improving!

Because I am feeling comfortable and proud Tuesday was a full of beans and full of energy heading off to the gym on Tuesday morning.

So much so that when my amazing PT was joking around when she suggested I use the leg press with her sitting on it….

I took up the challenge and can proudly say that I can leg press an adult and man did I laugh while doing it! I think everyone in the gym thought we were crazy with the amount of fun and happy noise we were making.

When I got home, I was feeling confident and decided that I would do my first every exposed side my side. I am normally always covered up with the skin hiding but today I am showing my midriff.

So my Tuesday was a great Tuesday yesterday.

Today was my weekly weigh in. My last few weeks have been up and down, up and down and hovering around minimal loss. Today I am elated to have a big number reflected on the scales!

This week – 1.8kg

Total – 88.9kg

Wow just wow…..only 1.1kg off of losing 90kg. I can’t even fathom these changes.

What is one of the most common questions I get asked by people who have not yet had weight loss surgery or who are considering having weight loss surgery?

“Will I ever enjoy food again?”

And the short answer is simple….ABSOLUTELY!!

The long answer is yes you will enjoy food again, but it will not be in the way you have known your entire life.  Your relationship to food will change therefore it’s about developing a new relationship to your thoughts and approach to food to ensure that you continuing enjoying food.

So let me put some context behind this statement and have a discussion about addiction.

Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable but the continuation of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary responsibilities and concerns, such as work, relationships, or health.

Definition sourced from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction

So essentially an addiction is having or doing something that in the short term meets an initial need but in the longer term has a detrimental effect to your life.

So this leads me to one simple conclusion, pre-surgery I was addicted to food.  Eating was an action that I did to meet my immediate need being hunger, boredom or an emotional need.  This eating from addition in the long term had the detrimental effect of my ending up morbidly obese and struggling to cope with going through the motions of everyday life.

If you compare the addiction of food to that of other addictions like smoking, alcohol, drugs or even gambling.  To overcome these addictions you end up eliminating them from your life and living an improved and healthier life without these addiction in your life.  You can easily continue living without these things in your life.  So what about a food addiction?? You can’t eliminate food from your life, you need food to survive.

So if I can’t eliminate food from my life as I need nutrition from food to survive I go back to the original concept of food addressing the short term needs.  So instead of elimination of the problem, why not treat the cause……what is causing the short term need.

It has taken me 14 months to realise this now that I am on “the bench” that food was my comfort. No matter what stresses and external pressure I had happening in my life, the one thing I could always count on to be there was food.  No matter how bad things were the one thing I could control and the one thing that I could count on was that food would always immediately provide me with happiness.  This relationship with food had to change and instead of seeking comfort from food to whatever was going on with life I needed to learn to adjust and accept the situation in less self-destructive ways

My sleeve has not made this change with my thinking.  It’s me…..I have made this change acknowledging that my sleeve has been the catalyst to make the changes I needed to make.

This hasn’t happened overnight as some miracle cure that as a part of removing my stomach that they implanted a chip to fix everything.  This has been evolution where I have become more self-aware of my feelings and emotions.  I have learnt to stop and take time for myself to understand and allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling.  It’s ok to be happy, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to be disappointed and it’s ok the articulate and express these feelings.  What is not ok is for me to suppress these feelings and seek comfort in my old friend food.

My addiction to food may always be in the back of the mind, but I guess in essence I have replaced this addiction.  I am now addicted to myself and now I seek that short term comfort from myself.  To stop and take the time to acknowledge and understand me and my surroundings.  I am worth investing the time in.

What is my point?  My point is that my relationship with food has changed.  I was addicted to food as a self-comforting device.  This couldn’t continue and I am pleased to say that I am well on my way to no longer doing this…..I’m not perfect, it still happens occasionally if I am completely honest with myself.  I used to think that food was my enemy, food was the reason that I was fat BUT no food was not my enemy at all, it was my choices in the way I abused food that was the enemy not the food itself.

So this is where my mentality around food has changed that he been a major catalyst to my success so far.  Food is not my enemy, food is my fuel.  Food is not a treatment to my immediate needs, I am the treatment to my immediate needs.  I need food to fuel my body for it to function, I do not need food for immediate emotional or situational gratification.

My sleeve has obviously supported these changes within myself to address my portion control.  I now see that Percy has limited real estate so I am going to make sure whatever I put in there is the best of the best!! I am going to fill Percy with prime real estate so that I can get all of the fuel, in the form of nutrients, vitamins and minerals, that I need for me to live my life in my new happier and healthier lifestyle.

So I revert back to the original question of will I ever enjoy food again?

In fact I actually enjoy food MORE now than I did pre-surgery.  Food is my friend, it is not my enemy. Food provides me with the fuel and nutrition I need to live and sustain my new happy and active lifestyle.  I am enjoying the flavours, textures and visual appeal of food so much more than pre-surgery.  I am taking the time to appreciate each mouthful, each flavour rather than inhaling massive portions of food to meet my emotional cravings.

So yes, I do enjoy food! I love food, I love the visual appeal, I love the flavour profiles….…post-surgery this love is just served in tea party portions.

Once upon a time there was a young lady name Holly.  She was a bigger girl, she always was a bigger girl, being big was all she had every known!  She owned a set of scales but very rarely, and when I say rarely I mean NEVER, used them because it was honestly too depressing and confronting with that number on the screen.

Holly lived her life until one day she decided enough was enough and it was time to no longer live this ‘big’ life and it was time to regain control of her health and wellbeing.  This meant that she needed to become friends with those damn scales.  To she stepped onto those scales and her heart broke more than a little bit.  She exceeded the maximum weight limit of the scales and she couldn’t use them.

As a result of this she had to buy a second set of scales with a much higher weight limit.

The end

OK, so what is the moral of the story?  The moral of this story is that I own two sets of scales which don’t actually agree with each other.  For my regular weekly weigh in, I do what any sane person would do and use the same set of scales to register my weigh in that gives me the lower number.  These scales routinely weigh in 1.4kg lower than my other set of heavier scales.

In the last week the lighter set of scales have decided that they would like to check out and no longer participate in weigh in, I have replaced the battery in them but they still don’t want to play and as a result have done to scales heaven.

So what does all of this jibber jabber mean…….

Weekly Wednesday Weigh in results!
This week – gain 1kg
Total – 86.9kg

I am not at all upset by this week’s official results of a gain.  Why am I not upset? Firstly, because I have now transitioned to my heavier set of scales so the gain could be attributed to that.  Secondly, because small random gains are a normal part of this process.  This is a rollercoaster ride and in the grand scheme of things I am tracking on a continual downwards trendy with even nearly 14 months post op I am still sitting at the average weekly weight loss of 1.24kg since I first started opti-phase.

So yes I have gained, this isn’t perfect but what about life is perfect every step of the way?? It’s about enjoying and appreciated life as a whole so while I may have gained this week, shit happens! I am not losing any sleep over it, in the grand scheme of things I am still consistently and regularly losing weight and tracking in the direction I want and need to continue.

This won’t stop me, this will in fact keep me motivated and focused to getting to where I want to be. And today where it has me dressed as a Valentine’s Day rose…….

I have been pondering about writing this post for a while and I have really struggled with how to approach it, but today I have decided that I am going to give it my best shot.

To there is a well known saying that “patience is a virtue” and this is basically the essence of what I want to talk about.

What is patience?

• the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

What is a virtue?

• behaviour showing high moral standards.

Well I like to believe I have high moral standards BUT it is very very evident that I have limited to absolutely no patience when it comes to this weight loss process.

The capacity to tolerate delay without becoming annoyed or anxious…..this statement is beyond hilarious to me. Hand on my heart I can honestly say I get annoyed or anxious every damn day.

I get annoyed that I am still so far away from my end goal.

I get annoyed that I am enduring so much physical discomfort from the skin and I have to continue to live with it until I get to my end goals.

I get annoyed that my weight loss has slowed, which I acknowledge is normal and that’s fine, but it just makes the end goal seem even that bit further away.

I get anxious that where I want to be almost seems impossible, insurmountable and unachievable.

I get anxious that I will have to live the rest of my days looks like a half melted candle in the shape of ET.

I get annoyed that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my sleeve life, I love where I am in regards to my improved health, wellbeing and fitness. I’m not doing this post for a pity party, I am doing this post to reflect on what’s going on in my head……

I can reflect with my side my sides to see how far I have come and this fills a with so much pride and so much happiness. Yes I am looking great in comparison to where I started from. BUT my current weight and size is still considered “larger than life” by the general society norms so it’s really difficult for me not to see how far I still have left to go….

I have goals, I am determined, I am focused and all of this thing comes down to one simple thing! I am sooooooo bloody impatient and I want to be there right now. Not this time next year, not at the end of the year, not by my birthday but NOW!

Whyyyyy must I be so impatient??

It’s been over a week since my last sleeve update so I thought it would be timely to touch base with how Percy and I are travelling.

Since my last post I have some numbers to report back on. I have had another weight in losing another 1kg taking the total to an astronomical 86.7kg

I have also done my monthly body measurements. I used to do them on the 21st of each month to align with my surgery date but that’s just too confusing now so will start doing my body measurements monthly on the 1st of every month. So this lot of “monthly” measurements is just under 6 weeks.

I have lost another 15cm off my 6 measure points taking the grand total to 1.8 metres which is slightly less than 6 foot in length. I am beyond shocked to find out that I have lost 7cm off my hips, that’s more that 1cm a week!

So that’s the numbers reported on things are continuing to track in the correct direction. I have also had some other things happening, nothing substantial but it’s like I have felt a cosmic shift in my thinking over the last week.

I have my new Fitbit and I am love love loving it and I am enjoying being back at the gym pushing myself beyond what I thought possible smashing out some very intense calorie burning workouts. I have exceeded my previous personal bests in leg presses, chest press, squats, time of the stair master and lots of other pieces of equipment.

One of the biggest shifts in the last week has been the way I look at myself. In this photo I would have ordinary diverted my attention to the double chin flaw BUT instead I see my collarbone. Who knew that existed….. I certainly do now as I can’t stop touching it!

I have started admiring and LOVING my legs, admittedly I mean from the knees down, I see tone, I see definition, I see hard work and determination. I no longer see the fluid filled tree trunks that could barely move.

I am admiring my jaw line, I have a normal face and not what my dear Mum refers to as a basketball head.

I have also entered in the world of “normal” clothes wearing a Jacqui E dress in size 18 that’s non-stretch material and feeling amazing in it.

And my “normal” clothes revelation continues with me wearing jeans!! I nearly always wear skirts and dresses so that the shape hides my belly roundness.

And the last clothing turn around is me wearing two piece bathers in public!! Admittedly I wore something over the top but I still wore two piece swimmers.

I’ve also have a new found vest and joy for life in the last week.

Throwing some torture back at my amazing personal trainer getting her to lift what I have lost in weights.

Anita is an amazing inspiration to me and my fitness goals. The other gym inspiration is my cousin Cale who is a picture of toned muscle fireman perfection. It makes me giggle at their Instagram feeds with muscled and toned amazing photos in the stereotypical muscle poses that I wanted to get on board and try my own gym pose out.

Admittedly I still have a long way to go to have the same toned perfection and I also have a long way to go to perfect the token peach popping gym pose. I look like I’m channeling a 1980 aerobics video and singing “lets get physical” as I pump my arms. But I’m loving having a laugh.

What the biggest shift has been is my feelings about Bertha. I hate her but I have to accept that she isn’t going away. So instead I am going to focus on how far I have come already with Bertha and remember that I am a work in progress to getting where I want to be. Bertha is there yes, but I just have to continue to dress in ways to divert and cover the buldge I am so self conscious of. BUT look how far I have come……

I’m excited to see where I will be in mind body and spirit in the next 12 months. Look out world I’m focused, I’m determined and I’m on a mission!

Today is a great day for milestones and achievements!! But before I get to today I want to celebrate my night last night.

Jamie and I had an impromptu date night and head out for dinner and a movie. I am officially a cheap date, my order was $7.90 for 3 lamb ribs which I could only fit in one and Jamie ate the other two.

We then head off to the cinema and had a rare treat of going gold class. Last time we went to gold class I remember feeling awkward and uncomfortable kind of perched on the seat like a beach whale, last night I really enjoyed the experience and I was able to curl up and snuggle into the recliner. I was normal just like the other girls in the cinema.

Ok so back today! It’s weigh in Wednesday….

This week – 1.1kg

Total – 85.6kg

I’m so glad that after my gain last week and now I’m back at the gym I have a bigger number on the scale.

And this number meant so much more this week than just a number. This number meant that I met my next mini goal, and this mini goal is in fact a major milestone for me!!

I HAVE FINALLY DROPPED AN OBESITY CLASS. I am no longer Class 3 morbid obese. I can’t believe it, it’s taken nearly 86kg but I’m finally out of that dreaded class. That chapter is now behind me, that chapter is closed, that chapter is in the past and I’m excited to move forwards and smash it out to my next mini goal.

My next mini goal is 14.3kg away which will take me to 100kg lost.

The third great thing today was I got to wear another new re-homed dress today. This isn’t the new and exciting thing as I have received so many beautiful dresses from Tash but this one is a size 18.

I haven’t worn size 18 dress in over 20 years!! It just seems so weird that “normal” clothes sections are now a reality.

While I was at work today and I was on a phone call I completely got distracted when I looks down, forgot what I was talking about and I freely admit it was because I was checking out my own legs!!

They cannot possibly be my legs……

The bitch is back…..OK OK so I’m not really a bitch but I’M BACKKKKKKK!!!

Yesterday was an anxiety filled day for me! A family outing to the beach. Not only was it the little man’s first beach adventure it was also public exposure to me in bathers!!

My nerves were on an all time high alert freaking out more than is healthy but I did it and we both had an awesome time in the process. I have to stop and cherish these moments spent running around and playing in the water with him as 12 months ago this simply wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have taken him to the beach and if I did I certainly would have NEVER been able to keep up with him!

Today is when I really feel like I’m back on my game! Back at the gym.

Back running again and back smashing out massive calorie burning workouts!

I did 20 minutes on the bike cycling a cheeky 8.5km, 5 minutes on the stair master and then I knocked out 3 sets of the below workout finishing off with 15 minutes on the treadmill doing 30 second interval running.

https://c4kkitchen.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/img_5657.mov

It’s safe to say I have been officially bitten with the exercise bug and these endorphins get my day started in the best possible and positive way.

Monday means I’m back at work. I had my regular forthrightly meeting at the women’s & children’s hospital and since I was feeling good I braved the heat and walked there and back again burning another cheeky 580 calories in the process.

I had the funniest conversation while I was there, one of the nursing directors hasn’t seen me in probably about 6 weeks and declared that I was looking “deliciously slim”. I can honestly say I was in hysterics laughing at such an amazingly unique compliment. And I can honestly say for my reply once I stopped laughing was to say thank you and I didn’t once think about making a fat joke or a joke deflecting away with humour.

So this is me, looking deliciously slim…….