Plans to get back on the food wagon went out the window today. Having said that it was with reason and restriction.

We had a lovely family day and the little guy had some developmental wins and as a reward he picked lunch at KFC restaurant.

Instead of having a $14.00 three piece feed I got a tiny snack box,  I couldn’t finish it I didn’t even enjoy it!

How times have changed!

Today was a much better day for the mindset!

I got to spend lots of quality time with my dear little man heading to Marion for a wander and then went if a magically fun (for him) playground tour.

Actively playing and engaging with my main little man and in the process clocking up 6,000 steps. Today I am going to focus back on fluid and nutrition levels too.  Will probably do a food diary for the next couple days as that really helps me re-focus when I need it.

Thanks goodness this week is done and dusted. I am not at all confident of my results, now I just throw it in the air and hope to the Prince2 exam gods I did enough to pass!

I am glad this week is behind me so tomorrow I can start refocusing back ok hydration, nutrition and actually getting moving to get back on track.

But tonight I’m doing nothing except curling up on the couch and doing SFA!

I will be so grateful when this weeks training has finished…..

I’m stressed

I’m exhausted

I’m overwhelmed 

I’m over it!!!

It’s not only effecting my schedule but has also effected my fluids, my nutrition and my exercise level which has all had a negative effect on my anxiety and guilt surrounding my sleeve journey.

Tomorrow is the big exam, I haven’t done an exam in nearly 20 years….I feel sick to my stomach OR Percy isn’t happy that he hasn’t been treated with the love and nurtured like he deserves.

I just need to get past tomorrow, allow myself some recovery time and then start fresh and focused once the batteries have had a chance to recharge.

Weigh in Wednesday

This week – 100g

Since surgery – 42.9g

Total – 61.8g

It might only be a little loss this week but I am still over the moon that it’s still a loss! Given my crazy schedule for the last week and that I haven’t done any direct exercise since my 10km last Tuesday.

Another day of my intense and stressful learning finished up with an exam. I passed after not at all feeling confident about it, only 1 and a half days left to survive before I can get back into some kind of regularity or routine that I so desperately miss!

Despite it being a testing and exhausting week I can stop and reflect that this time last year I simply wouldn’t have coped. This time next year I will be in an even better place!

Another day of training done and dusted. My brain and body is exhausted, definitely not from exercise as I only did just over 1km throughout the entire day.

I’m still feeling crappy from this cold so it’s a case of bad timing but I’ll solider on (with codral).

Also wearing a pair of my old jeans that I pulled out of the shed of the weekend, it will be the only wear i get out of them as I spent he entire day pulling them up!

This week is going to be a long arsed week. I have a full on week of training for work so I know exercise wise and nutritionally it’s not going o be the best but I just have to survive.

The training is catered so I put in my dietary requirements of high protein, low carbs. While everyone enjoyed massive lush muffins at morning tea I had a coffee.

Lunchtime instead of a selection of rolls I have a yummy chicken salad. Afternoon tea was some kind of weird Mousse-y yoghurt thing which ended up coming back up.

It’s nice to feel normal and not needing to pack my own meals…..now I just have to survive this damn training!

I had a massive 10 1/2 hours sleep last night so it slightly aided with catch up from my sleep deprivation. 

I had a good family day just pottering around but can feel the onset of sickness with body aches, congestion and a killer headache.

I also started rifling through some old pre-pregnant smaller clothes that I have stored in the shed. I pulled out 6 pairs of pants, 4 of them are brand new and never been worn and the other 2 I haven’t worn in over 7 years and they all fit!! Crazy times instead…..

After a good last week feeling happy, content and confident. Last night was a very bad night with the little guy meaning I had less than four hours of broken sleep and while enduring a challenging night I found that I was so bad with my food. Over indulging and making bad choices 😖

This morning I woke up and I am feeling like and emotional and overwhlemed hot mess. Trying to explain how I feel is a difficult thing to do as all I can come up with is overwhelmed and stressed. I am feeling full of self doubt, stress and guilt about so many different things.

Guilty about my capacity within my schedule to exercise not being as much as it should be. Guilty about letting people down and feeling like a hypocrite for my bad food choices. Feeling like a bad mum for putting me first. Feeling like an even worse mum for having no patience from lack of sleep. I have a crazy stressful workload in my job at the moment.

Essentially I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything going on at the moment and I feel like I need a pause button to life so I can stop and take a breathe.

I put in a mercy call to one of my best friends to see if she was free for a catch up. We went to the playground with the boys so they could have a play and a ride in their bikes.

She actually didn’t recognise me when I arrived after not seeing me for a couple months. Sometimes having some girl time with someone who loves you and knows you better than you know yourself is what you need to recharge the batteries.

It’s also nice to have her give me a cuddle and actually have her arms fully fit around me.

I am still feeling stressed and overwhelmed but I’m feeling like it’s ok and to keep on going on. Get through this day and lean on my support network when I need it. I don’t have to do this on my own or be a concrete robotic perfect woman woman…..I am still human!

This morning walking through Target to get to work I saw my favourite sign “clearance” and not even in the fat Tarts sectionbut in normal sizes! 

There were too timeless classic dresses on the rack that are 3 sizes smaller than my current size and in typical Holly move I bought without trying them on.

I tried them on at work for interest sake. The first one which is a much more fitted style and a straight line fitted but quite frankly was way too tight and I resembled a fat sausage in its casing. Meh……I will get there soon!!

The second one bloody well fit and looked half decent, still s bit small as the pleats didn’t sit as intended but IT FIT!!!!! A regular range dress fit!! 

I have no idea what is going on in the last few weeks but I am really enjoying this new found confidence and quite liking the fact that when I look in the mirror I feel happy and content

I have a new found confidence in myself to say I look good…..even wearing skinny jeans 😜