Today is Mother’s Day. I am so very lucky to be extremely spoilt by my boys and my Mum.

I am clearly doing a sufficient amount of whinging about how cold I am this winter getting a new pair of flanneys pj’s and some kick arse ugg boots.

We then went for a family outing to the local play cafe. I walked there while the boys took the car. 

Jamie then decided to shout Chinese take away for lunch and also bought enough for dinner so I could have the night off of cooking. He has officially declared me a cheap date.

I bought a short soup for a massive $5 and I couldn’t finish it. I also bought a pack of 2 beef Satay skewers for dinner for a massive $5.50 and it took me two sittings just to finish one of the skewers. Lucky both of my boys like meaty left overs!

I have had such a lovely family day spending time doing things we wouldn’t have done 6 months ago.

The only thing wrong with today was that I didn’t get to see my Mum! She truly is a remarkable amazing woman who is an incredibly inspiring and motivated in supporting me.  If I turn out half the woman (as in ‘being’ not size) as my Mum is then I will be a’ok.

Thank you Mum for all your love and support, you are one hell of a woman and role model!

Day 19, 19/50 – 82.7g

I think I exhausted Master L today.  He wanted to go to the supermarket so we walked there.

Not sure his little legs are used to walking under 4km since he put himself to bed at 6.30pm. That is unheard of!

Spent the afternoon in the kitchen brewing up some protein packed goodies. Making a sweet and a savoury protein disc and another new little protein cheesecake.

Such a good day today!!

A good day and quality time with my main little man

Great exercise in beautiful weather 

Great food with great nutrition 

Day 18, 18/50 – 79.9km

Today will be the first day that I won’t have a hand written journal entry to align to my Percy diaries. In a mummy moment of protecting Lachlan I have managed to burn my hand with boiling water and can’t hold a pen….they are holding my bag of frozen peas! 

Today I have felt flat and off most of the day, no idea why just irritable, cranky, emotional and really out of sorts. I had to do a presentation at the Royal Adelaide Hospital for work this afternoon on my project which was a huge success but not even that could really lift me out of my funk.

I saw this quote in Instagram this morning…..

And it made me think you know what I have changed my daily routine in so many ways.

• I take the stairs instead of taking the lifts (18 flights today in fact)
• I pack my lunchbox full of my delicious little bariatric treats 

• I am no longer drinking sugar laden soft drinks. 
• I am walking and getting mobile as much as I can….just to name a few small changes in my daily routine!

So I guess even though I am a grumpy bitch with a burnt hand I can still acknowledge that I’ve tapped into my secret of my success! 

Day 16 – 3.1km, 16/50 – 72.4km

It’s Wednesday again, gosh that comes around so quickly every week

This week – 2.4kg

Since surgery – 37.1kg

Total – 56kg

Someonbody call an ambulance as I need to be resusication and to be picked up off the floor.  I am in shock and complete disbelief that I am still managing to drop big numbers like this over 4 months post op.

Today I took the plunge and I have signed up for a 10 day gym trial and two PT sessions, first one is next Tuesday. I’m terrified and equally as excited at the same time.

I also bought some new fleecy pj’s to attempt to keep me warm but I bought them a size smaller while a little tight, they fit!!

Doesn’t every 35 year old need PJ’s with animal ears on their hoodie?

Day 15 – 5.1km, 15/50 – 69.3km

I am officially stuffed!!  Today has been very bloody busy.  Dropped off the boy at school then went straight to drop my car off to be serviced.  Mum picked me up and I had this ‘genius’ idea that we could walk to the closest shopping centre, and when I say closest I mean over 3km away.

But I did it there and back and not only did I do it comfortably I absolutely crushed my previous best average time per km, I maintained a constant conversation without sounding like a puffing steam train and secretly I think I completely shocked Mum with the pace I was setting and sustaining.

The afternoon then consisted of normal mum life but managed to clock up 14,800 steps or a massive 10.4km.

I had a beautiful heart warming text message from one of my dearest friends simply saying

“So incredibly proud of you”

This message I can honestly say was such a beautiful message that really meant so much more to me than words can say.  It touched my heart and warmed my soul!

I also has a chat with one of the other swimming mums this afternoon and she is so incredibly supportive and it’s so nice to be acknowledged and recognised for how far I have come.

Maybe one day my brain and eyes will start believing it to…………

Day 14 – 14.1km, 14/50 – 64.2km

So I have talked in the past few days about my clothing anxiety, I shared this in one of my small supportive Facebook groups. I have such an amazing support network which I am truly grateful for and everyone is so encouraging and positive but in reading the replies it has made me realise that there is a huge difference between self esteem and body image.

I can honestly say that I am very happy and comfortable with me as a person.  I have a kind heart, a giving nature, I am a good and loving mum, partner and friend.  So I am very content with Holly as the person.

My body image and the way I view the shell my soul and being resides is extremely difference.  My body image really needs some room for improvement.

My delivery today couldn’t have come on a better day….

You are brave then you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think

Day 13 – 7.1km,  13/50 – 53.8km

It was my nephew’s 6th birthday party today.  I’m still waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from my sister on how I am going so my anxiety getting ready to find an appropriate outfit was on an all time high!

Thank goodness for selfies, full length mirrors and supportive friends to pick my outfit for me as everything feels awkward and uncomfortable at the moment.

I also checked with the party menu before today and decided it would be better if I packed my own little lunchbox to take with me so I didn’t have any adverse reactions to any “party” foods.

Had a lovely day but no big surprise, still no comment from my Kim (my sister).  But Mum and one of Kim’s bridesmaids and long time friends both commented on how well and how nice I looked today.

Today exercise was non-existent and my plans of going for a long walk just didn’t happen.  Finding time in my busy life really is difficult but all I can do it keep on doing and trying the best I possibly can.

Tonight the little guy was overtired and loosing his shit at dinner time meaning I broke WLS rule #1
‘ thou shall not eat quickly’

Well I ate quickly and I feel revolting and feel like my entire meal is caught in my throat.  EAT SLOWLY is a mandatory thing these days as this discomfort sucks arse!!

Day 12 – 1.6km,  12/50 – 46.7km

Today has been a good day.

This morning Lachlan and I had a play date with one of my most dearest friends and her 2 gorgeous little men.  I haven’t seen her since before surgery and it is safe to say she was completely floored with my changes specifically my face and arse.  She couldn’t believe the new amazing shape I have particularly from behind.  Everyone keeps talking about showing and flaunting this shape, this is a difficult adjustment after spending so many years trying to hide that shape!

The little guy and I when we got home went on another walking playgroud crawl through the neighbourhood.

I am really loving doing activities like this with him.

Tonight I also sat down with Jamie and talked about things from his point of view of how my surgery has affected him and the changes he has seen within me.

The biggest positive change he has sees within me is my new found energy and enthusiasm for life which results in me being much happier and more positive.  Another positive that makes him happier is my ability to do physical activities as a family without question and not constantly telling him to talk slower.

Where there is a positives there is also the flip side that needs to be mentioned.  From his point of view, I can get a bit snappy tom when I’m low on calories or fluid but overall this is probably way less than my grumpiness from pre-surgery. And the other negative is my boobs have shrunk……

While our life as a family has had an entire overhaul because of my surgery from particularly a physical and culinary viewpoint we are now a more positive and happier functioning family unit.

Day 11 – 5.6km, 11/50 – 45.1km

I have been reflection and thinking today about how my surgery and my progress to be a happier and healthier me has affected those people closet to me in my life.

We have a new family member!  Percy is now being talked about and discussed as his own being.  Percy likes to be heard and involved in conversations frequently having a grumble loudly for everyone to hear.  Lochie was sitting in my lap and Percy had a grumble to which the little guy looked around to me and says

“Half way Percy, you’re way too loud”

It’s official Percy is now a fully fledged family member. I know Lachlan is also enjoying me being so much more active asking me to play and go for walks with him.

How has things been for Jamie? I’ve asked him to have a think so tomorrow he can tell me from his perspective the good, the bad and the ugly.

Day 10 – 2.4km, 10/50 – 39.5km

Today I am going to talk wardrobe!

So the vast majority of my clothes I am still wearing are the same size as pre-surgery despite loosing in excess of 50kg.  In hindsight I wore a very limited selection of my wardrobe that were ridiculously stretched and distorted to fit me or I had bought online from overseas so wasn’t a true reflection of Australian sizing.

It’s a weird feeling opening my wardrobe and pretty much having the option to wear most things in there.  My past internet shops that were delivered but were too small and never fit are now coming into rotation.  While the number indicates I’ve lost a massive amount of weight the fact I am still in the same number size in clothes really does play with my mind and makes me doubt and disbelieve  my results so far.

Admittedly  I am fitting into things that I’ve not worn for years or things I have bought and never worn before but that bloody number is STILL THE SAME!!!

Do I need to loose another 10kg, 20kg or 50kg before the clothes measure starts to change too!

I am also crazy self conscious with knowing how to dress to suit and flatter my changing body shape.

Yes, my wardrobe options have completely expanded and I have so many more choices but when I try things on I completely doubt myself and I only see the flaws.

Today I did celebrate my beloved little wins by wearing opaque tights.  I have not comfortably worn opaque tights since before I was pregnant.  I also wore a dress that I can’t even remember when I bought it but obviously have never worn before as it still had the tags on it.  It was a lot more fitted than I am used to wearing so showed my shape rather than hiding and was patterned and colourful when I am used to wearing black on black with a pop of black on the side.

I felt very awkward and uncomfortable with a different style and colour and I could only see the flaws.  Despite getting a massive amount of compliments on how good I looked today.

I still need to adjust my self belief!

Day 9 – 2.8km, 9/50 – 37.1km