Today was a rare occurrence in which Jamie and I had some child free time away from Lachlan. It’s always nice to step away and spending some time together just the two of us but took the opportunity to get a somewhat decent family photo.

Jamie and I went to the pub and had a counter meal together. When I go out I usually try to steer towards Asian restaurants as they usually have a good selection of low carb entree dishes that sit well and are in appropriate portions. But today we went to one of the local pubs, it made me somewhat nervous as the menus are often very difficult to order from. The entrees are very carb loaded or deep fried and the main meals are well frankly just too bloody massive to even consider spending $20 on a few mouthfuls of food.

Much to my delight they actually had an entree meal that was perfect for me, high protein, low carbs, small in size and some of my favourite food! Grilled field mushrooms, halloumi and garlic sautéed baby spinach…..it was all sorts of delicious and even an entree portion I couldn’t quite finish it.

Jamie and I then head off to Marion to do some shopping for once just for ourselves. It was nice spending some relaxed time together just wandering around the shops together. I saw my favourite sign saying “clearance” and thought I’d check it out. Jamie picked a dress out for much which I laughed at the thought of me fitting into now as it’s a size 18, material with no stretch or elastic and done up with a zip at the back. But figured it was a bargain and it would fit me eventually, much to my shock horror when I got home and tried it on, not only did it fit it actually looks somewhat respectable!

Each day is a joy, each day is a wonder, each day is a challenge, each day is hard bloody work, each day is a surprise, each day is a blessing, each day is an opportunity to be the best version of myself……and I wouldn’t change it in a heartbeat!

My day started with another trip to the hairdresser to try and fix what I wasn’t happy with in my hair. I have come out this time so much happier and it’s not sitting like I wanted and it’s thick and blunt as opposed to thin and wispy so it frames my face so much better than after Thursday night.

It’s a little shorter than I would have normally have had it cut as it needed to cut off the wispy ends but even still I know the length will come back and I am now happy with the cut.

After that we then head off for a family outing and ended up at the McDonalds playground for lunch. Even still when out I can enjoy participating in family time and living life as a “normal” non-sleeved person. It’s just that I order a grilled mini snack wrap with no creamy fatty dressing as opposed to a huge upsides burger meal with a high sugar drink. Anything is worthwhile to spend quality time with these two loves of my life!

Because I had to do this mercy dash to the hairdresser I unfortunately missed out on my Saturday morning gym session with the little man in tow. So instead this afternoon I got stuck into my new found enjoyment…..gardening! Never in a million years did I ever think that the words “I enjoy gardening” would ever come out of the mouth, even if I have no idea what I am doing.

Over one hour and 580 calories burn I got my veggie patch under control as it has grown so much so fast. I stoked all my tomatoes and weeded my veggie patch.

I also go stuck into my new project of the big and broad garden area and planting the new seedlings that I got while out today. No idea if they are the right plants or if I have planted them in the right spot but hey I’m giving it a crack and I can’t wait to see what’s going to blossom and I even have my little man helping out on watering duties.

While I was watching the little man be my little helper I looked down and I saw something I honestly think I have never seen before. It’s such a weird view for me…..

Today was a good day, nothing exceptionally special but any day I get to spend with my boys is a day well spent!

I think the toll of week 2 back working full time has taken has hit home today.

If you looked up space cadet in the dictionary you would see a picture of me!

If you looked up bat shit crazy in the dictionary you would see a picture of me!

If you looked up lost the plot in the dictionary you would see a picture of me!

Ok ok ok, so you get the picture, I was not firing on all cylinders today…..far from it in fact.

I was so all over the place today and I found that it was a hugely hungry day and I ate a lot more than my normal intake. It may have been because I needed extra calories to help me function. It may have been old habits creeping back in. It may have been slight food envy as we went out for a team lunch and everyone had this delicious huge Thai meals and I had some boring (well delicious but boring compared to everyone else’s meals) chicken skewers.

I have also decided that I don’t like my haircut and it’s not sitting right, I’m not at all comfortable or happy with the way the fringe is sitting and looking so I have made an appointment to go back to the hairdresser tomorrow to sort it out!

On the plus side at least after work I got to see my gorgeous little man who was my little helper in the kitchen while I was whipping up a batch of protein mousse!

Bring on the new day that is tomorrow I say! And until this I will enjoy my dinner with one of my all time favourite things!! Christmas ham….I missed out on anything Christmas ham last year with my surgery being just before Christmas.

My sleeve is a tool to help me live my life in a happier and healthier way.

My sleeve doesn’t make my decisions, I make my decision and I decide that life is for living and for my it means a balance and this include some “bad” things in moderation. Today I ate peanut butter off a spoon……

And I don’t feel one bit bad! Today I also had KFC and I don’t feel one bit bad!

In realistic terms I don’t do it every day and instead of eating a gigantic all stars box upsized I had a small grilled chicken slider.

I am human, sometimes I make consciously “bad” food decisions and you know what I am not only ok with it….I am happy with it. I have had so much personal growth in the last 10 months that I can stop, acknowledge and recognise my decisions are sometimes decision and that is ok to make those decisions without guilt.

I had a hair dressers appointment tonight. I walked through the door and Luke didn’t even recognise me. That’s the 4th person in a fortnight that hasn’t recognised me…..

I also had a NSV with the hairdresser chair! My arse is no longer squished into the chair like a whale on a sardine tin. I can comfortably sit in the chair AND to top it off my legs didn’t touch the arms rest in either side! Now THAT is a huge NSV!!

I’m a bit questionable about my haircut. Love the colour but not 100% convinced on the cut, I will review tomorrow when I get to style myself in the morning!

Weigh in Wednesday

This week – 0.8kg

Since surgery – 61.2kg

Total – 80.1kg

Wow, just wow! Someone pinched me, this is just too surreal. I have cracked 80kg lost…that surely can’t be right, I must be dreaming.

I have to admit that working full time again is taking its toll of me and I’m feeling really tired not to mention that my body is not very happy with me. I never knew that I had abs but by goodness they are screaming blue murder at me and even breathing somewhat hurt.

I did also get to pull out another Calvin Klein dress that has been kindly re-gifted to me from another love sleeve sister. I’m slightly disappointed that it’s almost a big baggy but had an astronomical amount of compliments today regardless.

Had a conversation with some of the ladies at work, they all know about my surgery. There is no reason I should hide such a positive life changing event for me, I will gladly talk to anyone who wants to listen to me. One of the lovely ladies I work with guess that I had lost around 35kg hahaha she nearly fell over when I told her this morning I had cracked 80kg.

So today I am shouting it from the rooftop! I had a gastric sleeve, it’s the best thing I ever did. Yes I did cheat by having surgery…..I cheated an early death due to weight related health issues.

On the plus side I have also realised that I am only 5.6kg away from my next weight related mini goal and I FINALLY drop to Obesity class 2….hoping I can make it there by my 12 month post op appointment which is a few weeks early on 7th December.

I’m still feeling crap! Had a bad nights sleep and woke up with the same cracking headache. Regardless I still went to work! I had a mini meltdown this morning getting ready for work knowing that I was going straight from work to the gym. They have never seen me in “real” clothes before just my scrubby tent top gym clothes. It’s so crazy that I get so worked up dressing for other people! So I decided on my electric blue dress that I always get loads of compliments on.

Forged through and went to work calling into the chemist on the way to get some hydralite tablets! The last thing I want in this third day of high 30 degree days is to get dehydrated! So today I’m on one mission…..

OPERATION HYDRATION!!

Battled my way through the day, eating because I knew that I had go despite having no hunger at all. It really upset my intake with my calories being well under my 800 target but thanks to my protein pimped coffees I still managed to get in enough protein.

I had my PT session tonight instead on my regular booking of Thursday morning, I rocked up not feeling motivated and wondered how I was going to get through. Did my 10 minute warm up burning 123 calories to kick things off.

I told Anita to go easy as I was feeling like crap, she asked if I still wanted to do my session and my response was well I’m here so let’s do it!! Despite saying she was going to go easy on my I think she told me fibs and still pushed me hard. She kept saying it was fun, I told her she needs a dictionary to understand the definition of fun!

I did 3 or 4 (I lost count and can’t remember) of high incline walking on the treadmill at a speed I didn’t even know I could walk, dumbell box step ups and then arm cycling (I’m sure it has a proper name but that’s what I’m calling it). She is a sneaky devil and thinks I don’t notice each set that she is setting the machines faster or higher resistance.

But we weren’t done yet. I then when on the leg press and I leg pressed 80kg…..essentially all of the weight that I have lost! Bloody Nora that is HEAVYYYYYYY no wonder I was struggling to function carrying that around on my frame! And this was alternated with chest presses which somehow jumped up to 7kg dumbell a when I am used to only doing 4kg ones…..but I did it. PT session done.

I am so very lucky and grateful to have found Anita, she is very inspiring and a great combination of relatable, real, motivating and tolerant with my whinging and morning. I have so much respect for her and it really means so much to me when she comments on how dedicated and motivated I am and that she’s going to help me work and strive to get to my goals!

I have got myself a little token reminder of my dedication and focus I have shown and how far I have come on my journey which I put on my key ring….ironically next to my gym tag. To me it symbolises so much than a key tag. It’s a reminder of the new and improved v2017 Holly!

Busy day at work with a cracking headache all day and then on my way home from work I took a weird head spin turn and had to have road side vomit.

Finally got home and processed to inspect the porcelain express track for another 20 minutes with the little guy narrating in the background ” mummy doesn’t feel well, mummy’s very noisy”!

So having a quiet night resting up and trying to kick whatever is going on so today I am simply going to reflect on a non scale victory that I have realised after an old photo popped up on my Facebook news feed.

NSV – my skin!! I can’t remember a time that my skin was clearer. It’s no longer blotchy, oily and full of blemishes. I kind of really like how my skin is looking now

Well…..the skin on my face that is, not all the extra floppy bits of skin that I despise with a passion!!

Today was my nieces first ever dance recital, it was very exciting to see my little girl strutting her stuff in extreme cuteness! But I have to admit whenever I catch up with my sister my normal wardrobe anxiety goes through the roof!

I have no idea why this happens…..maybe it’s my own insecurities, maybe it’s because she hasn’t given me much verbal feedback on how I’m going and looking, maybe it’s a sister thing? I don’t know but what I do know is that I freak out like a mad women and change my outfit at least 10 times before I leave, which usually makes me late for whatever I am doing. This morning I settled on denim skirt and a floaty top from Target, and not just any Target Top but a top from the general sizes section and not the fat Tarts section.

When I got there my mum, nephew and brother in law where sitting out the front waiting for the doors to open. I was walking up to the table and was waving at my brother in law, he was looking my direction and it wasn’t until I had walked for at least 100 metres closer that he realised it was me and waved back again.

As I got closer I could see my nephew looking my direction and I could hear my Mum saying to him “she over that way in a white top” and it wasn’t until I was a metre directly in front of him and I said “hi Max” that he recognised that it was me.

Once we got into the theatre and found our seats I got to experience a new NSV. It was the standard issue fold down auditorium seating and I folded the seat down and comfortably sat and my arse did not, I repeat did not spill over the sides to cover half of the seat either side of me too. I comfortably sat and didn’t feel like a squished sardine who was encroaching on the person next to me’s space too.

Even during intermission when the lady next to me went out, the seat next to me folded up as it was designed to, previously my bum from spilling over would keep the seat next to me in the downward position. I just felt like a normal person in the crowd and not that person that everything things “shit I hope I am not sitting next to her”.

We had slow cooked lamb shanks for dinner tonight, this is one my all time favourite meals! And it’s a great meal for me to reflect on how drastically my portion sizes have changed! Pre-surgery I would have comfortably knocked off a lamb shank on a bed of mashed potato no questions asked. Tonight I pinch 40g of meat off of my Mum’s shank with a bit of green veg and even that was too much! It’s crazy how drastically my meal sizes have changed and how badly I used to overeat before for what my body actually needs to function.

Saturday morning routine is the little man and I head off to the gym! But this week the normal Saturday morning gym workout didn’t happen. Instead I had a work out of a different variety!

We have our routine house inspection coming up this week so this means one thing CLEAN UP FRENZY hahaha – the house is pretty well ready to go on a daily basis for a house inspection the garden however – well that is a completely different story! I am NOT a gardener by any means and I am not one who enjoys or finds it therapeutic. Well I never used to anyway!

Two and a half hours and over 1,100 calories later my yard is looked freaking awesome!

And for the first time in my life I can honestly say I didn’t hate gardening with a passion. I actually quiet enjoying spending the time outside in the sunshine with Jamie and Lachlan. Despite the few moment of me channeling my dear Dad’s temper tantrum when things didn’t go right using the new line trimmer we bought yesterday.

I am also enjoying pottering around in my veggie patch and I am a little bit too proud of my rapidly growing gold zucchini’s – these are the first fruit or vegetable I have EVER grown! I know at 36 I am probably leaving my run a bit late but hey it’s better late than never.

It’s so bizarre that an outcome of my surgery is that I can say that not only do I no longer hate gardening, I might even slightly enjoy it buying a few extra plants for the garden at Bunnings this afternoon which I have already planned a few of the seedlings.

I often wonder what my dearly departed Dad would think of everything I have been through over the last 12 months. I know he was always worried about my size and weight but didn’t really say anything about it just always encouraged me to get fitter and be more active. I really hope that he is proud of me not only for my progressive weight loss but also for the changes and improvements for me in a person and as a mother!

Sweet baby Jesus!! My shoulder and arms are SCREAMING at me blue murder…they are definitely not very happy with being awoken yesterday during my PT session.

On top of my gym pain I also have an ouchie pain on my arm! Last night just before bed I managed the near impossible and because I have excess saggy skin that gets in the way I accidentally pinched the saggy skin in the pantry door….needless to say it’s just another pain in my arm today!

My legs were somewhat stiff and achey but I pushed through and still walked to and from my meeting at Women’s and Children’s Hospital in North Adelaide

Even if I did forget to stop the tracker on my trip back to the office.

One of the ladies on the floor who is in a different team, I don’t have a whole lot to do with her except making small chit-chat in the hallways. I ran into her in the kitchen at coffee time and she said she couldn’t believe how much I was fading away and how amazing I am looking. It’s such a bizarre conversation to have particularly with those who I haven’t openly discussed my surgery with.

So I finished my first week back at work full time and it was an intense stressful full on and super productive week and when I got home I wanted to unwind and feel human and “normal”.

My sleeve does not define me……I define me!! And tonight I make the decision to drink some calories, it’s a conscious decision to do something that I wouldn’t do on a daily basis but tonight I throw caution to the wind and I live my new balanced life for me 😀