One word I hear talked about very often within my social media networks for not only those within the weight loss surgery community but just in general has been bothering me for some reason.
This one word is also a word that I personally use regularly and regularly suffer from this awful feeling……..
“GUILT”
As my regular readers would know in the last week my excess skin has been causing me a tirade of physical problems and pains. As a result of this I had somewhat of an epic meltdown last night, which I regretfully took out on hubby by snapping his head off about something completely insignificant and irrelevant to the issue at hand. While this small trivial thing was the final straw that broke the camel’s back for me what I realise now is that what underpinned my meltdown was one thing…guilt.
In this particular moment I am feeling guilt in regards to my commitment to going to the gym. I know that I not only need but also want to go the gym as this is a pivotal part of my new healthy active lifestyle and also an important part to help me keep losing to achieve my goals that I have set for myself. BUT, I also know that my body is physically struggling to sustain the high intensity and high impact exercise that I have been doing at the gym.
So the questions are; how do I find the balance in doing what I want and need to do without actually causing further physical pain and discomfort? And how do I allow myself to get the rest and recovery periods I need without guilt?
I also regularly experience a lot of food guilt. Am I making the right choices? Am I eating too much? Am I eating too little? Am I going the stretch and break Percy? Yes I am eating Pringles…why are you eating Pringles you blob you know you shouldn’t be doing that?
So the question is; how can I develop a relationship with food where I can enjoy food for what it is?
So I have decided after going some research and reading I am going to start doing 3 new things in my life to help me work through and overcome these unnecessary and VERY undesired feelings of guilt that can sometimes plague my thoughts.
These are the 3 things I am going to do….
1. Check my expectations
Realistically the only reason I am feeling guilt is because I am not meeting my expectations. Not my surgeon and support teams expectations. Not my family’s expectations. Not my peer’s expectations. Not even societies expectations. These are 100% MY expectations that I am imposing on myself. So I am going to try and pose this question to myself each time I feel these feelings of guilt, what advice would I give to someone else if they were in the same situations? And this answer becomes blisteringly revealing that the expectations that I am imposing on myself are too extreme. The pressure that I am putting on myself to succeed is too great and that by setting my expectations at a ridiculously high level that is almost un-achievable that I am setting myself up for failure.
I do not want to fail. I will not fail.
What I will do is try to be more reflective at these times of feeling guilty to understand are my expectations unreasonable.
From an exercise perspective………why am I expecting to physically push myself to go to the gym when in all honestly I can barely walk without being uncomfortable and in pain? That is just ridiculous to put myself under that pressure! I need to check my expectations of needing to go to the gym 4-5 times a week and I need to acknowledge what my body is telling me and I need to rest and recover. It’s time to re-frame my expectations. My new exercise expectation is to that I will continue to physically push the boundaries to exercise BUT ensuring I listen to my body and allow it the time it needs to rest and recover.
From a food perspective…..why am I expecting myself to be perfect 100% of the time with food choices? Again this is ridiculous expectation. I am human, I am not perfect. I am also NOT on a diet or a fad health kick. I have chosen to make a lifelong commitment to living an active and healthy lifestyle and this needs to be about balance and moderation. It is OK to sometimes have food that has less nutritional value that your normal selection, and it’s OK to do this without guilt as it’s about finding the balance between living and deprivation. As a part of my lifelong commitment I will not deprive myself of enjoying my life and participate in life.
It’s time to re-frame my expectations. My new food expectations is that I will continue to make wise nutritional choices that will provide my body with the fuel that it needs to function BUT I will ensure that I do not deprive myself of living life and I will not feel guilty about enjoying the life I have worked so hard to extend.
2. Be present
I need to be present in life and remember to reflect on the bigger picture of my life.
At that exact moment of time this may be the end of the world (melodramatic I know, but you get my point)……but in the grand scheme of things, the sun will still come up tomorrow and life will continue. I need to stop and appreciate the life I have worked hard to create, I need to step back from the pressure and stress that I am putting on myself to meet these unrealistic expectations.
It’s time to be present and enjoy the moment. I need to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the sunshine instead of charging full steam ahead focusing on the future. I need to enjoy how far I have come instead of focusing on how far I have left to go. I need to acknowledge the fact that I am doing things physically and making choices that I have never been able to do before.
It’s time to re-frame my thinking and stop rehashing the past, the past has been and gone…… I can’t change it no matter how much I focus on it. I need to move out of the past and live in the moment. It’s time to re-frame my thinking and stop focusing on the future. Why am I wishing my life away to get to all the tomorrow I have in front of me? I am here now and the present is a gift that I need to appreciate and learn to enjoy more.
From a gym perspective…..I need to reflect that I am now fitter and more active that I have been in my entire adult life and what an amazing gift that is. Why am I feeling guilty about this achievement?
From a food perspective….I need to reflect that I have come some far with the nutritional choices I am making. Why should I feel guilty about enjoying the present point of time in my life with a piece of chocolate, in reflection this is still a much better nutritional choice than an entire family sized block of chocolate on my own.
It’s time for me to enjoy you. Not all the yesterdays that have been and not all the tomorrows to come but I am going to start living and focusing on all the todays.
3. Be a little bit selfish
I need to live my life for me MY WAY.
I need to stop focusing and comparing about what is going on around me and what everyone else is doing. I am a unique amazing individual and my life and my circumstances are completely difference to every other amazing unique people in my life…..so why do I think it is OK to compare my life and situation to someone else’s. It’s time for me to be a little bit selfish and spend less time worrying about what everyone else is going and start focusing on what I am doing.
Yes, this other person may have less of a tummy that Bertha is. Yes, this other person may be running for longer on the treadmill than you. Yes, this other person may be eating a smaller portion that you. But what bearing does that have on my life?? None what so every. The decision of other people have no impact on my life, my outcomes and my results…..unless I let them have an impact!!
From a gym perspective….I need to reflect instead of comparing that someone else is doing more than me, they are fitter than me, they are more toned that me. I need to be selfish and compare me against me. Compare the fact that when I started exercise I couldn’t even walk 10 minutes consecutively without feeling like I needed and ambulance or oxygen tank to where I am now that I am averaging an 800 calories burning workout several times a week. Why am I feeling guilty about that? That is freaking amazing and I need to be selfish and acknowledge that!
From a food perspective……I need to reflect instead of comparing that someone else is eating differently in either food choices and/or volumes to me. I need to be selfish and once again compare me against me. Compare the fact of what my nutritional food choices and portions are now compared to before. I am not eating deep fried food in epic proportional anymore, I do not have a car full of take away and chocolate rubbish, I have succeeding in changing my life. Why am I feeling guilty about making a huge transformation in my life to making amazing choices the vast majority of the time? I am kicking serious goals and I need to be selfish and acknowledge that!
I need to re-frame my think and at the end of the day it’s time to be selfish and stop comparing my life to the lives of others. This is my life and I need to compare my life against the only equal comparative…MYSELF!
So I guess in a nutshell this is much easier said than done but this is such a huge part of my mental journey that it needs to be worked on. I’m not perfect and I know I will continue to feel guilt along the way and you know what. That’s OK, guilt is a normal and natural emotion BUT I will not let it consume me, I will not let it control me, I control me.
So how am I going to do this?
- I am going to be realistic about my expectations;
- I’m going to live in the present; and
- I’m going to live my life for me in my terms!
