4 August, 2017
WHMP: 4 August 2017
Yesterday was a horrible day. Not rock bottom but I was certainly very flat and low. I had so many people comment that maybe I need to take a break from my journal so that I could focus on me, but I have been thinking about it and I have decided no actually that’s not what I want as the main reason I am doing this journal isn’t for everyone else but myself. To use my journal as an opportunity to reflect on my feeling and articulate my emotions and to process everything that’s going on in my life. This is something that I have never done well in my the past and have resorted to making bad choices as a coping mechanism (I.e. Eating my feelings) rather than processing. So I will no longer do that, I will continue to make the time everyday to help me understand me and my journey FOR ME. And if I can help someone along the way who reads this then that’s a bonus.
Jamie and I head off to the GP this morning to touch base with everything that is going on with Percy and my pains. It was refreshing after the last fortnight to have a doctor in front of me who has focused on me and my concerns and was genuinely trying to understand what is going on. While I am stilled dubbed and enigma given all my diagnostics have come back clear he was listening to me, concerned about the situation and actually treated me like the emotional mess that I am which was a refreshing change. We have discussed everything and we have some plans in place to try and to relieve some of the symptoms I am experiencing.
He is concerned with my lack of bowel movements and my ongoing blockages since surgery so the first intervention we are trying is to take a sennalax/colloyx tablet every night instead of ‘as required’ weekly and I am have to try and increase my fluids by at least 600ml extra every day. I also have to try and back off on relying on endone for the pain management as this can also contribute to my blockages. While he couldn’t say what is happening he suggested that he believes that due to my huge amount of weight I have lost in a short period of time this has resulted in the muscles around my large and small intestines moving and potentially causing my intestines to have a slight twist in them and any residual matter due to my lack of regular action to be stuck is adding additional pain both the lingering pain and the episodes of pain also. It may not be the case but it’s comforting to here a ‘maybe’ consideration as opposed to we don’t know everything is too hard.
We will just track how I am going and get me through in managing the pain until my follow appointment with Lilian. I was slightly rejuvenated when I got home which is what I needed.
Today my lotus leggings got delivered and I opened the packet and laughed thinking pffttt as if they will fit they are freaking tiny! Regardless I tried them on and you could have knocked me down with a feather, they fit! They were even comfortable and not dissecting me even if Wonder Woman did slightly have a warped face. I also though given it’s a Friday that I would do pants off instead of a face off! This is my before pants versus my new Wonder Woman leggings 😀
Over the day I only had 3 acute episodes of pain so thought I would try something that I aren’t tried in over 15 years! A bath!! I have never been one to enjoy laying back in arse water with half your body freezing cold out of the water and my body wedged in so tightly I was almost suction capped to the sides! But tonight I laid back and comfortably fit without any wedge factor and even some room to move!
Well I’m still not a bath person and still didn’t really enjoy it but it’s nice to know that I can have it bath if I want to! I did however not end some relaxing and calm as I ended up having an episode in the bath and vomited everywhere so finished up in the shower trying to recover.
So over-all it was a better day and I know that I am in a better place mentally, not such much physically but one day at a time!