22 October, 2017
WHMP: 22 October 2017
Have been struggling with energy levels as my intake has been very low being back on purees and with my heightened restrictions. I should have gone to the gym but instead pottered around the garden, mowed the front lawn until I ran out of petrol.
Day 2 of 5 of textural torture!!
Breakfast – protein iced coffee
Lunch – baked beans, Ricotta, Parmesan cheese with protein powder
Afternoon tea – chocolate mousse
Dinner – chicken Thai green curry
I have mentally been in a bit of a slump for the last week or so. I am struggling with the entire process, I am struggling to know that while I have come so far from where I started I still have such a long way to go to reach my goal. I’m struggling to know that people who had surgery around the same time as me or after me are at goal weight and looking phenomenal in size 10’s, I am so very happy for them and I know everyone’s journey is their own and different but it so damn hard when I am still considered Class 3 obese. People say to me but look how far you have come already, as a rationale way to help me get perspective. I know they are coming from a good place and the point is valid – however it doesn’t actually help me one iota. It’s almost like rubbing salt into the wound to say you’ve achieved so much and SUCK IT….you’re still not even remotely close to where you want to be!
And to top it off I am so ridiculously self conscious with my body and all my excess skin. I HATE HATE HATE the way I look, my skin issues are uncomfortably and honestly offensive and disgusting. I cry at the way I look! I should be feeling confident with the new and improved me but it actually makes me sick that I have lost so much weight and gained so much life BUT I look physically repulsive!
I don’t like feeling like this, I don’t like the way these thoughts consume my thoughts and are bringing in a green eyed monster in me that I frankly despise!! Time to make another appointment with the life style coach from my surgeons clinic I think.
2 thoughts
Wow Holly, I have not had the surgery yet but this is exactly what I am scared I will feel like but with over 60kg to lose I think I will especially with all the loose skin as I am over 60 yrs old so the fat has been around a long time. I haven’t seen my psychologist yet. I hope you find your true self soon and can like yourself again
Please don’t let how I’m feeling stop you from making the right decision. Don’t get me wrong I’m still so very grateful for my surgery and I do not have one single regret in having the surgery but I am just trying to process and acknowledge how I feel rather than bottle up or eat my feelings. This will pass with my supports I have in place.