29 September, 2017
WHMP: 29 September 2017
So it may seem like I have it all together, it may seem like I am invincible, it may seem like I’m have an amazing positive mindset……most days I feel like that. Not today!
My day started in an epic meltdown.
My day started off with my normal morning routine of getting myself and the little guy ready and I can only assume the stress of the last few days has caught up with me and worn me down. I got out of the shower and I did something that I very rarely do. I stood there completely in the buff and I looked at myself in the mirror and I completely burst into tears.
I had this surgery to improve my health and wellbeing. I had this surgery to look better superficially as an offset benefit. Yet here I am 75kg lighter and I look in the mirror and I am honestly disgusted in what I see.
I knew that I was going to have excess skin when I started this journey and I always told myself that I would be ok with it and that I would wear the excess skin with pride as a badge of honour or evidence of my achievements. But now that I am living with this excess skin and the ramifications of the skin on a daily basis I can honestly say, I’m not ok with it! So much so that it has bought me to tears.
I am happy to share my journey, I am happy to share my experiences and I am happy to share MOST of my photos but I can honestly say I will never take or share photos of my skin situation.
What do I look like?
A melted candle….
A cauliflower head….
A Sharpei dog….
Shar-pei puppy, Beanie, looking over his shoulder
ET…..
Homer Simpson….
You get the idea….none of these things are even remotely attractive! I hate that I have been so dedicated and working so freaking hard and I hate the naked version of what I see!
I know that it’s only temporary and that I will eventually need to undergo more surgery to remove the excess skin and restore my body to a normal appearance. BUT it still seems like getting to the point is so damn far away. In fact still nearly 50kg away!
I know everyone’s journey is their own and everyone has their own starting points and end goals but sometimes I really find it disheartening that people who had surgery around the same time at me are already in maintenance phase and are looking damn bloody fabulous in size 8 and size 10 clothes on the normal or even overweight on the BMI scale. Then there is me who is still in Class 3 obese. Days like today I feel like my goals are unachievable and I am never going to get where I want to be.
I did a face off today being Friday to try and perk up my mood. It helped a bit as I am seeing improvements with clothes on and with all my skin reinforcements managed with spanks and undergarments but in all honesty I am still in a funk!
I know I am doing well and I know that I have come so far already. I know I have mini goal weights along the way to help keep me focused and achieving…….
But looking at the grand scheme of things and my natural form I still have so far to go and it seems unachievable!
One thought on : 1
You are beautiful. That excess skin can be removed and at the rate that you are losing weight that 50 kgs will come off in no time. Just think how quickly this year has flown and then think that by this time next year that fifty kgs will have disappeared into the ether and you will be trim, tall, taut and terrific recuperating from the surgery.
And it’s only skin. Just chuck it into those spanxs and breathe in and hold it. See, you’re gorgeous. Xxxxx